【如何降低親子間的情緒衝突】同理心的力量
很多時候,我們習慣的說話方式,很容易讓小孩聽了一秒爆炸,小孩爆炸後的情緒表現,又導致父母跟著爆炸。其實父母沒有錯,小孩也沒有錯,只是因為彼此的感受沒有得到“同理”。嘗試先處理情緒,再處理事情,通常會讓情況穩定許多。而想要先處理情緒,就要先改變說話的方式,當情緒得到適當的處理,處理事情本身也會變得容易。同理心的運用會大幅度的降低親子間情緒衝突的產生。以下為我們家的兩個真實案例。
情境一:爸爸正在開車,女兒在車上吃藍莓,經過一個窟窿,藍莓翻倒了。
女兒:爸爸!你把我的藍莓灑了!(有點生氣)
爸爸:妳別胡說,不是我灑的 (有點生氣)
女兒:爸爸!你把我的藍莓灑了!(音量加大1倍)
爸爸:我沒有!是路不平!(非常生氣)
女兒:爸爸!你把我的藍莓灑了!!(音量加大2倍)
爸爸:誰說可以那麼大聲的?安靜!我在開車!(爆氣)
女兒:爆哭怒吼。(音量可以掀車頂)
故事結局:女兒情緒爆炸,爸爸情緒爆炸。
情境二:媽媽正在開車,女兒在車上喝優酪乳,經過一個窟窿,優酪乳翻倒了。
女兒:媽媽!妳把我的優酪乳灑了!(有點生氣)
媽媽:喔!剛才車子晃太大,優酪乳灑了,妳有點生氣對嗎?(有點氣但可以忍受)
女兒:對!(有點緩和)
媽媽:剛才我們經過一個不平的地方,雖然是媽媽開車,但是我也沒辦法控制車不晃。抱歉你的優酪乳灑了,我也不是故意的。(好像沒那麼氣)
女兒:喔!原來是這樣。(幾乎不氣)
媽媽:灑了沒關係,我幫你拿一張紙,妳可以先擦一擦。(生氣解除)
女兒:嗯~接過衛生紙,一邊擦一邊繼續喝。(生氣解除)
故事結局:女兒情緒緩解,媽媽情緒緩解 。
同理心(empathy)和同情心(sympathy)是不同的,同理心是站在對方的立場,體會他人的感受;同情心是站在自己的立場,理解他人的感受。同理心能夠激發彼此的連結,同情心則會失去彼此的連結。 舉例來說:
你的玩具壞了,好可憐喔。不要難過,至少你玩過了,還有很多別的玩具啊。
→同情心
你的玩具壞了,感覺很糟是嗎?我也不知道該說什麼,但是我可以陪著你。
→同理心
分享一個多年前我看過,關於同理心與同情心的影片
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-AfeaRD_IA
#同理心
同時也有1部Youtube影片,追蹤數超過80萬的網紅果籽,也在其Youtube影片中提到,人人都話要有同理心,但這個心是先天還是後天,可以鍛鍊嗎?跟同情心和憐憫又有甚麼分別?美國暢銷書《Daring Greatly》作家Brene Brown解釋,同理心(empathy)讓大家更親近,同情心(sympathy)若只懂憐憫別人,反倒會讓關係疏離,因為當我們憐憫別人時,通常都是站在較高位置去...
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sympathy empathy不同 在 Eric's English Lounge Facebook 的最讚貼文
[翻轉視界 8]逃離禁錮之地:離開北韓我學會自由與憐憫
“If you don't know the words, that means you don't understand the concept, and therefore, you don't even realize that concept is even a possibility.” —— human rights activist Yeonmi Park。
「如果你不知道某些詞彙,那就意味著你並不了解某些概念,因此你也不會意識到,那些概念可以是一種可能。」——人權鬥士朴延美
對出逃前的她而言,自由與溫飽是很奢侈的理念,更無法了解「愛」的全貌。當我們無法得知世界發生了什麼,無法想像那超越自身認知的世界,我們便無法真正地同理他人。今天我想邀請大家,以不同的角度,重新感受自由、溫飽與愛的可貴。
★★★★★★★★★★★★
I was born in 1993 in the northern part of North Korea, in a town called Hyesan, which is on the border with China. I had loving parents and one older sister. Before I was even 10 years old, my father was sent to a labor camp for engaging in illegal trading. Now, by "illegal trading" -- he was selling clogs, sugar, rice and later copper to feed us. In 2007, my sister and I decided to escape. She was 16 years old, and I was 13 years old.
1. on the border with 鄰近邊界
2. labor camp 勞改營
3. illegal trading 非法的交易
1993年我出生在北韓的北部,一個名叫惠山的小鎮,鄰近中國邊界。我有愛我的父母與一位姐姐。在我10歲大的時候,父親就被送去勞改營,因為他非法買賣一些東西。所謂的非法買賣,其實他是賣一些木鞋、糖、米,之後還賣了銅,只為了餵飽我們。2007年,姐姐和我決定逃跑。她當時16歲,而我13歲。
★★★★★★★★★★★★
I need you to understand what the word "escape" means in the context of North Korea. We were all starving, and hunger means death in North Korea. So it was the only option for us. I didn't even understand the concept of escape, but I could see the lights from China at night, and I wondered if I go where the light is, I might be able to find a bowl of rice. It's not like we had a grand plan or maps. We did not know anything about what was going to happen. Imagine your apartment building caught fire. I mean, what would you do? Would you stay there to be burned, or would you jump off out of the window and see what happens? That's what we did. We jumped out of the house instead of the fire.
4. in the context of 在⋯⋯的情境中
5. concept 概念;觀念;思想
6. a grand plan 一個遠大的計畫
7. catch fire 著火
你們要知道,「逃跑」這兩字在北韓意味著什麼。我們天天挨餓,而飢餓在北韓意味著死亡。所以逃跑是我們唯一的選擇。我當時還不了解逃跑是什麼意思,但晚上我能看見中國那邊的燈光,我想著如果我能到有光的地方,也許就能找到一碗飯。我們沒有什麼遠大的計畫或地圖。我們完全不知道,接下來會發生什麼事。想像一下,你的公寓失火了,你會怎麼辦?你會坐以待斃,還是跳窗然後再看著辦?我們就是那樣。我們從大樓上跳了下來, 而不是等火燒上來。
★★★★★★★★★★★★
North Korea is unimaginable. It's very hard for me when people ask me what it feels like to live there. To be honest, I tell you: you can't even imagine it. The words in any language can't describe, because it's a totally different planet, as you cannot imagine your life on Mars right now. For example, the word "love" has only one meaning: love for the Dear Leader. There's no concept of romantic love in North Korea. And if you don't know the words, that means you don't understand the concept, and therefore, you don't even realize that concept is even a possibility.
8. unimaginable 無法想像
9. no concept of... 沒有⋯的概念
10. romantic love 浪漫愛
北韓是難以想像的。對我來說,要回答住在北韓是什麼感覺,非常困難。老實說,我可以告訴各位——你無從想像。沒有任何語言可以描述,因為那是個截然不同的星球,就像你現在無法想像自己在火星上的生活一樣。比如說,「愛」只有一個意思:愛偉大的領袖。在北韓沒有那種浪漫之愛的概念。如果你不知道某些詞彙,那就意味著你並不了解某些概念,因此你也不會意識到,那些概念可以是一種可能。
★★★★★★★★★★★★
Let me give you another example. Growing up in North Korea, we truly believed that our Dear Leader is an almighty god who can even read my thoughts. I was even afraid to think in North Korea. We are told that he's starving for us, and he's working tirelessly for us, and my heart just broke for him. When I escaped to South Korea, people told me that he was actually a dictator, he had cars, many, many resorts, and he had an ultraluxurious life. And then I remember looking at a picture of him, realizing for the first time that he is the largest guy in the picture. And it hit me. Finally, I realized he wasn't starving. But I was never able to see that before, until someone told me that he was fat.
11. an almighty god 一個全能的神
12. tirelessly 不屈不撓地;堅忍地
13. a dictator 獨裁者
14. it hit me 突然想到、意識到 
15. resort 度假地(此處係指北韓獨裁者有很多度假別墅)
16. ultraluxurious 極其奢華的
17. have a…life 過著⋯⋯的生活
讓我再舉一個例子。在北韓長大,我們真心相信我們偉大的領袖是全能的神,他甚至能看穿我在想什麼。我在北韓甚至不敢思考。我們聽說他為我們挨餓、不眠不休地為我們工作,而我為此感到心痛。我逃到南韓後,有人跟我說他其實是獨裁者,他有很多車、很多很多渡假別墅,他的生活極為奢華。我記得自己看著一張有他的照片,第一次意識到他是照片裡體型最大的那個。這件事讓我大受打擊。那時我才終於了解,他沒有挨餓。但我以前總無法看清這些,直到有人跟我說他很胖,我才恍然大悟。
★★★★★★★★★★★★
Really, someone had to teach me that he was fat. If you have never practiced critical thinking, then you simply see what you're told to see. The biggest question also people ask me is: "Why is there no revolution inside North Korea? Are we dumb? Why is there no revolution for 70 years of this oppression?" And I say: If you don't know you're a slave, if you don't know you're isolated or oppressed, how do you fight to be free? I mean, if you know you're isolated, that means you are not isolated. Not knowing is the true definition of isolation, and that's why I never knew I was isolated when I was in North Korea. I literally thought I was in the center of the universe.
18. critical thinking 批判性思考
19. revolution 革命
20. dumb 愚蠢的*
21. oppression 壓迫;壓制;欺壓
22. isolated and oppressed 與世隔絕的與被壓迫的
真的,要有人教我,他這樣叫做胖。如果你沒學過批判性思考,你看到的就只會是別人跟你說的。其他人對我提出的大哉問還有:「為何北韓沒有革命?我們傻嗎?為何歷經70年的壓迫,卻沒人發動革命?」我回答:「如果你不知道自己是奴隸,不知道自己被與世隔絕、壓迫,你要如何為自由而戰?我的意思是,如果你知道自己被與世隔絕,那就表示你並非真的與世隔絕。與世隔絕的真正定義是無知,所以我從不知道,在北韓的我與世隔絕。我真的以為我們是宇宙的中心。
*dumb: https://bit.ly/3fG5XOk
★★★★★★★★★★★★
So here is my idea worth spreading: a lot of people think humans inherently know what is right and wrong, the difference between justice and injustice, what we deserve and we don't deserve. I tell them: BS. Everything, everything must be taught, including compassion. If I see someone dying on the street right now, I will do anything to save that person. But when I was in North Korea, I saw people dying and dead on the streets. I felt nothing. Not because I'm a psychopath, but because I never learned the concept of compassion. Only, I felt compassion, empathy and sympathy in my heart after I learned the word "compassion" and the concept, and I feel them now.
23. inherently 與生俱來地
24. justice and injustice 正義與不義
25. psychopath 精神病患者
26. compassion, empathy and sympathy 憐憫、同理與同情*
我覺得值得分享的想法是:很多人以為,人類生來就能分辨是非對錯,懂得正義與邪惡的差別,我們值得被怎樣對待。我跟他們說:放屁。所有的事,所有的事都得經過教導,包含憐憫。如果我現在看見有人在路邊奄奄一息,我會不顧一切來救他。但我在北韓的時候,會眼睜睜看著有人橫死街頭,卻沒有任何感覺。並非因為我是心理病態,而是我從未學過憐憫的概念。只有在我的內心感受到憐憫、同理與同情,我才學會「憐憫」一詞與其概念,而如今我已能感受到這些。
*compassion: a strong feeling of sympathy and sadness for the suffering or bad luck of others and a wish to help them
empathy: the ability to share someone else's feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person's situation
sympathy: (an expression of) understanding and care for someone else's suffering
★★★★★★★★★★★★
Now I live in the United States as a free person.
現在我以自由人的身分住在美國。
★★★★★★★★★★★★
And recently, the leader of the free country, our President Trump, met with my former god. And he decided human rights is not important enough to include in his agendas, and he did not talk about it. And it scares me. We live in a world right now where a dictator can be praised for executing his uncle, for killing his half brother, killing thousands of North Koreans. And that was worthy of praise. And also it made me think: perhaps we all need to be taught something new about freedom now. Freedom is fragile. I don't want to alarm you, but it is. It only took three generations to make North Korea into George Orwell's "1984." It took only three generations. If we don't fight for human rights for the people who are oppressed right now who don't have a voice, as free people here, who will fight for us when we are not free? Machines? Animals? I don't know.
27. agenda 議程
28. be praised for 因⋯⋯獲得讚揚
29. execute (v.) 處決
30. worthy of sth 適合某物或具有某物的特徵
31. fragile 脆弱
最近,自由國度的領袖,我們的川普總統,和我以前的神會面。他認定,人權沒那麼重要,不需排進議程中,所以對此他隻字不提。這嚇壞我了。我們竟身在一個獨裁者處決伯父還能獲得讚揚的世界裡,他殺害同父異母的哥哥、殺害成千上萬的北韓人民,竟還能得到讚揚。這不禁使我開始思考,也許我們現在都要學習自由的新涵義。自由很脆弱。我不想嚇你,但事實如此。短短三個世代,就讓北韓淪為喬治.歐威爾筆下的《1984》。只花了三個世代。如果我們不為人權而戰,不為受壓迫、不為無法發聲的人而戰,當身為自由人的我們不自由時,誰還願意為我們而戰?機器嗎?動物嗎?我不知道。
★★★★★★★★★★★★
I think it's wonderful that we care about climate change, animal rights, gender equality, all of these things. The fact that we care about animals' rights, that means that's how beautiful our heart is, that we care about someone who cannot speak for themselves. And North Koreans right now cannot speak for themselves. They don't have internet in the 21st century. We don't have electricity, and it is the darkest place on earth right now. Now I want to say something to my fellow North Koreans who are living in that darkness. They might not believe this, but I want to tell them that an alternative life is possible. Be free.
32. speak for oneself 為某人發聲
33. alternative life 另一種生活
我覺得我們能關心氣候變遷、動物權益、性別平等諸如此類之事,真的很美好。因為,我們關心動物權益,就代表了我們的心地有多善良,也代表我們關心無法為自己發聲的對象。北韓人民現在無法為自己發聲。身處21世紀的他們,沒有網路可用。我們沒有電,那裡是當今地球上最暗的地方。現在我想告訴那些生活在北韓黑暗中的同胞。也許他們不會相信我,但我想告訴他們,生命仍有其他可能——意即自由的生活。
★★★★★★★★★★★★
From my experience, literally anything is possible. I was bought, I was sold as a slave. But now I'm here, and that is why I believe in miracles. The one thing that I learned from history is that nothing is forever in this world. And that is why we have every reason to be hopeful. Thank you.
34. slave 奴隸
35. miracle 奇蹟
就我的經驗,真的什麼事都有可能發生。我被人買走,賣給別人當奴隸。但我現在在這裡,這也就是為什麼我相信奇蹟。我從歷史上學到的一件事,就是世上沒有什麼是永恆的。而這也是我們無論如何都能懷有希望的原因。謝謝大家。
資訊出處:https://bit.ly/32p5HiK
圖片出處:https://bit.ly/32n2zEe
★★★★★★★★★★★★
如何增進同理心:https://bit.ly/34qSKnC
#ChangingPerspectives
#翻轉視界
★★★★★★★★★★★★
翻轉視界系列文章: https://bit.ly/3fPvKUs
sympathy empathy不同 在 賓狗單字 Bingo Bilingual Facebook 的精選貼文
🔊 點擊聽發音 ❤️ 喜歡按愛心
【empathy 同理心】
Jacinda Ardern is receiving international attention for her empathetic leadership through the Wuhan virus crisis.
(紐西蘭總理阿爾登,以同理心領導紐西蘭抗疫,廣受國際關注)
你可以私訊 @bingobilingual_bb ,錄下你唸的 “empathy”,賓狗會親自聽你的發音,再給你建議喔
💡Empathy 這個字的發音,要小心 “th”
💡唸 th 音的時候,舌尖一定要伸到上下牙齒之間,接著一邊吐氣,一邊快速收回到嘴巴裡
💡右滑是 empathy 的發音影片,記住這種並肩及陪伴的感覺,不用死背 empathy 的翻譯喔!
👉 empathy (同理心)跟 sympathy(同情心)有什麼不同?差別是這樣:用同理心安慰人時,我們會多聽少說,可能會述說自己相似的遭遇,讓對方感覺到,自己獲得理解、不孤單。用同情心安慰人時,會急著給對方解決問題的建議,或是要對方「樂觀一點」,不要多想。
想要培養同理心嗎?可以到 @cpsycasualdoodling 的主頁,看看同理心相關的貼文喔!
【留言練習】你遇過最有同理心的人是誰?虛擬人物也可以喔!期待看到你的留言 😊
#賓狗發音教室 的單字選自我們的 #5個單字系列 ,「5 個單字系列」結合新聞議題及英文單字,「賓狗發音教室」著重單字發音及用法。全部服用,效果最好 😂❤️
這篇貼文的相應 podcast 集數為賓狗時事英語 EP 14 喔!歡迎到 Firstory、Spotify 或 Apple Podcast 搜尋「賓狗時事英語」✨
#empathy #同理心 #sympathy #同情心 #bingobilingual #英文單字 #學英文 #英文學習 #單字卡 #英文發音 #英文 #翻譯
sympathy empathy不同 在 果籽 Youtube 的精選貼文
人人都話要有同理心,但這個心是先天還是後天,可以鍛鍊嗎?跟同情心和憐憫又有甚麼分別?美國暢銷書《Daring Greatly》作家Brene Brown解釋,同理心(empathy)讓大家更親近,同情心(sympathy)若只懂憐憫別人,反倒會讓關係疏離,因為當我們憐憫別人時,通常都是站在較高位置去可憐人,充其量只會說些同情說話,譬如說:「他真可憐,無理給人拘禁,見不到家人。」
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sympathy empathy不同 在 心禾診所- Empathy vs Sympathy 同理心與同情心有何不同?... 的必吃
Empathy v.s. Sympathy 同理心與同情心有何不同? 當親友跟我們訴說他正在經歷的困境,例如工作壓力、經濟困境、被他人不當對待等,我們會因為對方與我們的良好關係, ... ... <看更多>
sympathy empathy不同 在 Re: [字彙] sympathy 和empathy - 精華區Eng-Class - 批踢踢 ... 的必吃
※ 引述《birl (努力、忍耐、謙虛)》之銘言:
: 想請大家幫我區分一下這兩個字彙的差別
: sympathy同情
"sym-": the same ("path" is related to feeling)
所謂的同情其實是有"同樣的感情,"
中文另外一個翻譯"交感"有點awkward,
可是這個翻法其實比較貼近sympathy這個字的意思.
So sympathy means "have the same feeling (with sb)"
: empathy 移情
"em-": in/into
所謂的移情是把自己的感覺與對方的做認同
So empathy means "identify one's feelings with other's"
類比:
apathy: "a-"(without) plus "path" +"-y", which means "no feeling"
antipathy: "anti-" (against) plus "path"+"-y", which means aversion/dislike.
: 同情跟移情差別到底在哪?
所以這有時候要回到linguistic context的問題;
教育心理學跟文學研究在講empathy的定義有不同
前者說是同理心,後者的定義是"神往/神入."
沒有那個比較對,要看語境;
語言並不真的脫離與境而單獨存在.
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作者: whereyou (^^) 看板: Eng-Class
標題: Re: [字彙] sympathy 和empathy
時間: Fri Feb 10 16:06:37 2006
我之前聽Advanced的時候,聽到是如下:D
empathy: the ability to understand other people's feelings and problems
sympathy: the feeling of being sorry for someone who is in a bad situation
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