疫情持續,但學習不能中斷。
今天與同學分享Presentality最新的寫作技巧分析。
英文寫作絕對不只是將單字句型套用在模板上就好了。
用專業的寫作方法讓你的寫作有意義!
★★★★★★★★★★★★
最近疫情再次高升,駐台灣的Bloomberg 記者寫了一篇文章:
Complacency Let Covid Erode Taiwan’s Only Line of Defense
自滿讓 COVID 侵蝕了台灣唯一的防線
文章:https://bloom.bg/3ywfKA9
我們來看看Bloomberg寫的一篇好文章:
★★★★★★★★★★★★
📌 結構:當調查故事寫
這篇文章讀起來一點都不無聊,不只是因為它攸關我們的社會,也是因為他在結構上,就像一個偵探調查的故事:
1. Opening line: 戲劇性開場,不要無聊
2. Background: 然後再給簡短背景
3. Key moment: 影響後續發展最關鍵的事件
4. Outcome: 這個決定的後果
5. What to do: 國際專家建議應該怎麼做
6. But.....: 可惜,可能做不到
7. Details: 後面的部分,再進入細節
★★★★★★★★★★★★
📌 最好的開頭 = 簡短有力、抓住注意力、又可以做結論
我們先來看開頭三段:
All the virus had to do was get through the border.
Until this week, Taiwan’s Covid-19 containment appeared to be so effective that virtually no other defenses were put in place: few tests, no local surveillance to pick up undetected infection and close to zero vaccination.
Lauded as one of most successful places in the world at containment, a high level of complacency about the risks had set in among both the public and authorities. Covid-19 seemed to be something happening only in the outside world.
如果是我們認識大部分的人來寫,通常會從第二段開始。為什麼?因為總是要解釋背景嘛!而且任何人在研究這個議題,都會從背景開始教育自己,所以就不自覺的從背景寫起。
但他們不這麼做,反而以一個吸引人的方式開頭:
All the virus had to do was get through the border.
這個開頭有幾個優點:
•簡短一行,讓人不會看到一大坨字就不想要繼續看
•有故事性:好像病毒是一個入侵的敵人
•又是結論:怎麼會發生?一旦病毒溜進來了,就會發生
這種是非常理想的開頭:因為就算我沒有時間看剩下的,也會理解到文章的重點:邊境守的很嚴,但是裡面很鬆散。
第一句,下的太好了。
★★★★★★★★★★★★
📌 給一點背景後,馬上提到關鍵一個決定
記者們解釋背景的篇幅,就只有三段。他們很快就鎖定關鍵的一個 (錯誤) 決定:
The virus’s opening was an ill-fated decision on April 15 to shorten quarantine for airline crew to just three days, as carriers struggled to operate their cargo lines with staff undergoing 14-day isolation periods. Infected pilots introduced a more transmissible U.K. variant, whose spread was then accelerated through a network of “hostess bars” -- places both staff and patrons were reluctant to be associated with, making contact tracing more difficult.
如果他們再花 1-2 段解釋背景,文章就會變得有點無聊,會流失讀者。
所以他們在這裡提到關鍵的失策。
📌 Note:寫作語氣相對正式
這幾位記者,也許是受 Bloomberg 整體風格影響,還算正式。
從哪邊看的出來呢?
The virus's opening was an ill-fated decision...
輕鬆口語化的文章,絕對不會用 "ill-fated" (ill 就是生病/不好嘛,fate 就是命運,所以就是「之後的命運不好」的一個決定。這是一個很不錯的字就是了。
另一個例子,看這句:
Infected pilots introduced a more transmissible U.K. variant, whose spread was then accelerated through a network of “hostess bars” -- places both staff and patrons were reluctant to be associated with, making contact tracing more difficult.
哇噻,尤其 "reluctant to be associated with",好。。。委婉啊
怎麼樣寫的平易近人一點?
Infected pilots carried a more transmissible U.K. variant, which then spread quickly through a network of "hostess bars". This also made contact tracing harder — because staff and customers didn't want to admit that they worked at or visited these bars.
稍微長一點,但是用的字都比較直白簡單。
★★★★★★★★★★★★
📌 強調嚴重性
這個失策跟破口,有多嚴重的後果?
Taiwan reported 267 new infections Wednesday, bringing the total over the past few days to 1,291 -- a small number in global terms but an astonishing one in a place that, before May 1, had posted just 1,132 cases during the entire pandemic.
The surge from zero to quadruple digits signals that undetected spread has been occurring for months, and concern is now growing that Taiwan will go the way of other cautionary tales, from the outbreak last year in Australia’s Victoria state that took a brutal three-month lockdown to quell, to Thailand’s ongoing surge driven by prison clusters.
"The surge from zero to quadruple"
這邊,寫的非常好,因為雖然不是真正的 rhyme,還是聽起來很近,所以有節奏感。
"Go the way of other cautionary tales" 又是一個文筆很好的寫法,就是「變得跟那些拿來警惕大家的故事一樣」的意思。
但是記得,別在聊天的時候用這些啊,對方會覺得你很奇怪。
這邊他們把最壞的可能性帶進來:就是台灣可能變得跟那些 cautionary tales 一樣。
這邊也讓讀者緊張起來。
但因為他們寫 "concern is now growing...",又沒有說「誰的 concern」,所以應該要馬上帶具有可信度的 source 進來:
“If they have 300 diagnosed cases, they have 3,000 cases in the community -- they just don’t know it.” said Gregory Poland, a virologist and director of the Mayo Clinic’s Vaccine Research Group. “It’s going to require a hard lockdown, what’s called a circuit-breaker approach, and then getting the vaccine out as quickly as they can.”
這樣就比較有可信度了,也指出一個解決的可能性:lock down,然後疫苗。
但是...
★★★★★★★★★★★★
需要完整分析的同學請留言「看 Bloomberg學資深記者如何寫文章」。
我們每天都在看跟英文溝通/寫作有關的東西,如果想要透過這些「閱讀筆記」跟我們一起看,可在 FB 追蹤我們:https://www.facebook.com/presentality/
★★★★★★★★★★★★
Presentality系列文章:
📌 看貝佐斯致亞馬遜股東的最後一封信,學一些英文寫作小撇步
https://bit.ly/3xCN1cC
📌 英文演講實用的結構與技巧
https://bit.ly/2PHu3Ax
📌 在演講中的四種敘述角度
https://bit.ly/39tNUtv
📌 詩人Amanda Gorman的英文演講技巧
https://bit.ly/39sI3on
📌 從 Most Dangerous Place 文章,看經濟學人寫作邏輯
https://bit.ly/3htqJEs
📌 寫作的終極目標是「提供價值」
https://bit.ly/3yA3gYe
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【這是一場長期抗戰:英國疫情告急】
隨著英國Covid-19死亡人數破4萬1千人,確診人數破40萬人,疫情告急,整個大英聯合王國,4個國家都在今晚宣布新的因應措施!
今天英國首相Boris Johnson 宣布了最新的疫情應變措施,預計維持6個月,意思就是一直到明年春天3-4月,都會是這樣的狀態,也代表著今年的聖誕節慶祝趴踢和各項大型體育活動都不會有了!
英格蘭地區大概主要下列幾項,開門見山就是我們最關心的:
1️⃣ 辦公室員工盡可能地在家工作
Office workers are being told to work from home again if possible
(我們九月才開始員工輪流回去公司上班,上了2-3個禮拜,又繼續居家上班了)
2️⃣不戴口罩或違規群聚(6人限聚令)初犯罰款提高至£200
Penalties for not wearing a mask or gathering in groups of more than six will increase to £200 on the first offence
3️⃣ 從9月24日(星期四)開始,所有餐飲業(酒吧餐廳)只可以進行餐桌服務,晚上10點關店,外賣不在此限
From Thursday 24 September, all pubs, bars and restaurants will be restricted to table service only. Takeaways can continue. Also from Thursday, hospitality venues must close at 22:00 - which means shutting then, not calling for last orders.
4️⃣配戴口罩/面罩的規定
4-1. 從9月23日(星期三)開始,計程車司機和乘客都要戴上口罩/面罩
Face coverings must be worn by taxi drivers and passengers from Wednesday
4-2. 從9月24日(星期四)開始,室內銷售業和餐飲業員工和顧客都要戴上口罩/面罩 (只有坐下吃喝東西時可以拿下來)
Retail staff and customers in indoor hospitality venues will also have to wear masks from Thursday, except when seated at a table to eat or drink
5️⃣Rule of 6(6人限聚令)延伸
5-1. 從9月28日(星期一)開始,婚禮限聚令從30人下修至只可15人參加;喪禮維持不變至多30人參加
From Monday 28 September, only 15 people will be able to attend weddings and civil partnerships, in groups of six. Funerals can still take place with up to 30 people
5-2. 從9月28日(星期一)開始, rule of 6(6人限聚令)擴大至室內體育活動,也只能少於6人
Also from 28 September, you can only play indoor adult sports in groups of less than six
6️⃣原本預計10月1日體育場館再次開放的措施取消
The planned return of spectators to sports venues will now not go ahead from 1 October
全文
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-54255898
🇬🇧首相濃濃英國腔的演說,請見留言處(順便練習英文聽力)
staff only意思 在 八鄉朱凱廸 Chu Hoi Dick Facebook 的最佳貼文
【絕食第80日】【80th Day of Hunger Strike: Update & Volunteers' Thoughts】
17 / 9 / 2020
▍「除了停止了探訪外,這裡任何東西都沒變過。廁所依然是那麼髒,他們(入境處)連一塊香皂都沒有多給我們。」- 羈留者O生氣的說
自9月6日CIC出現第二單新冠確診,CIC便停止了探訪,所有羈留者都已經十天因探訪暫停而無法獲得一些基本衛生護理物資。以下為義工H的心聲:
CIC對認可物資要求十分苛刻,書一定不要有任何標註,連一個「由XX中學圖書館捐贈」的印章也容不下,「呢本唔入得」;香皂只能是藍色的,但藥房通常是一排六塊的賣,只有兩塊是藍色,總有四塊紫色、白色不知如何處理;以為只要寫著「祝君早安」的毛巾便可以,買到了,職員又說「標誌中一的不是「合」字,這不是正版」,退回,不收;買了兩包M&M想給羈留者,但被告知一次一定要給5包,而且一定要是同一顏色的包裝。第一次聽到時會又生氣又無奈,明明都是香皂、毛巾,這些要求除了用來留難訪客,有任何意思嗎?每次探訪,更是總會見到其他訪客有一些東西因不乎要求而被退回,山長水遠走到來CIC,卻沒法送物資到親人、朋友手上,會感到很可惜嗎?
怒氣與無奈,隨著探訪次數漸多而慢慢地被磨蝕。為了能順利地把物資送到羈留者手上,更是練成了一對金精火眼,去到不同藥房都認得出物資,知道格價合理與否。這一陣子,見到任何藥房都會逛一逛,見到適合的便買下。這幾天都接給幾位羈留者的電話,有的說急需牙膏、香皂(只能通過探訪才能獲得),有的說很悶想收新的書。我想說,我都準備了,只是不知何時才見到他們。
羈留者的來電中,讓我除了知道他們需要的物資外,更是體會到自由對他們的迫切。「7樓的40多人全被送到隔離營了,你有他們的消息嗎?」S問。「我需要幫助。我不想繼續留在CIC,這裡有新冠病毒確診。這裡不安全。」R說。我想這次CIC這次確診引致的Lockdown和全院檢測已充份反映到這個地方十分高危,為何還是要強行把一班無罪的人拘禁,置他們的健康生命於危險中?
「我們差不多所有羈留人士已經聯名向入境處寫了一封投訴書,抗議停止探訪並要求交代原因。」O說。「希望很快可以容許探訪。」
▍“I am very angry about this lockdown. They (ImmD) did nothing more to advance any prevention or protection measures. Just lockdown. We are running out of toothpaste, soap and hand wash.” — Detainee I
Due to the discovery of the 2nd confirmed case of COVID-19 on 6th September, CIC has suspended all visit. All detainees have since been unable to receiving basic hygienic products from their visiting friends. It has been 10 days. Below are some thoughts of our volunteer H:
CIC is exceptionally meticulous, or better put, bureaucratic about the hand-in articles from visitors to detainees. A book must be totally clean, even a stamp that says “Donated by XX School Library” would made the book ineligible for handing in; The soap must be in blue, yet stores often sell this brand of soap in a pack of six, so volunteers would always be left with 4 bars of non-blue soap; when you bought the towel with the exact wording, the staff will always let you know that your towel is “knock-off” and therefore unaccepted; M&M must come in 5 packs of the same colour. When the articles I bought first got rejected by CIC officers, I was very frustrated. In terms of their function, the towels and soap I bought were just fine. And every time I visited, I always saw other visitors’ “unapproved” articles got rejected. Imagining coming all the way with the hope of giving a little something to make your detainee friend’s life slightly better, and yet got rejected for the bureaucratic instructions of CIC, would you feel upset?
Nevertheless, my angry and frustration has been numbed as I visited CIC more frequently. In order to successfully got the articles to detainees, I have become an expert. I have memorised the entire list of approved hand-in articles and know the prices for each item. And over time, I have stocked up these articles for the detainees. In the past few days, our concern group have received several calls from detainees, saying that they are lacking certain hygienic project. “We are running out of toothpaste, soap and hand wash.” they said. I would love to let them know that I have stocked up, yet I now have no idea when I can give things to them due to the lockdown in CIC.
From these calls from detainees, not only had I learnt about the certain items they need, but also what freedom meant to them. “40 detainees from 7/F have been sent to the isolation camp, do you have any news about them?”, detainee S asked me. “Actually I need help. I don’t want to stay long time in CIC. There is positive case here. CIC is not safe.” Detainee R said. I think the current lockdown of CIC have demonstrated exactly how CIC is not safe. There is a high risk for cross-infection of COVID-19 in CIC. So, why is the authority so determined to detain this group of innocent people, and put their health and lives in danger?
“Most detainees have wrote a complaint letter together to the Immigration Department against the lockdown and ask for reasons.” Said O. “Hope this complaint letter could help reopen visit soon.”
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