「地獄空」攝影集即將在八月中元節前出版,由知名設計師與攝影家黃子欽設計,內附在下二位高徒精美繪製符咒、心經版畫書籤、愣嚴咒牌、尊勝咒語...等,感恩十方大德助印,希望疫情退散,平安喜樂,後記如下:
野放台灣五十餘年,貪狼獨坐,三方四正殺破狼格局,少年多舛,白手起家,隨展覽雲遊四海,如閒雲野鶴常持各類底片機流連廢墟、山川、宮廟忘返,遂設幻影堂自詡堂主,一日三省「凡所有相皆是虛妄」,常宅於暗房沖片放大通宵、鍾情黑白世界之單純,彩色照片俗世繽紛花俏做作甜美甚至比現實更現實故少拍也。知天命之年有餘,了悟人生一瞬、眨眼即逝,雖非仙人,亦無道骨,初聞離垢地生清淨心,但離華嚴「不動地」尚遠,待修持也。
2017年盛暑拍畢《巨神連線》,心律不整差點心肌梗塞向閻羅王報到,意識死神隨伺在側,人生苦短,如何了生脫死、盡斷煩惱、無所罣礙、遠離顛倒……總不得解,蒙釋迦摩尼佛開示飆淚三晝夜,聞佛法數載始知自我渺如塵埃,甚感慚愧。閒暇乃參訪名寺古剎,禮敬焚香佛陀菩薩羅漢諸神天仙王爺媽娘,台灣宮廟千奇百怪、宗派錯綜複雜(佛教、道教、一貫道、天主教、基督教、齋教、回教&大同教、儒教鑾堂、天帝教&天德教、慈惠堂&勝安宮、軒轅教、道院、理教、萬國道德會、會靈山……)、神棍橫行(依人不依法、偶像崇拜、斂財、邪淫),因歷史變遷、社會動盪、政治鬥爭、意識形態等因素導致佛道混雜,但地獄造景稀少,後專注拍攝各殿閻王、判官、陰司、獄卒、七爺、八爺乃至一切罪人,各寺造景巧妙、耐人尋味,意境乖張溢於言表,造型扭曲非常人所能塑也,然匠心獨運、自成一格,專研西方藝術數十載方知真誠樸拙最美,絲毫不輸喬托(Giotto di Bondone,1267~1337)乃至米開朗基羅(Michelangelo Di lodovico Buonarroti Simoni 1475 ~ 1564)矣。
創立於1986年的石門金剛宮風景優美可眺望北濱,雖主祀四面佛,儒釋道眾神尊也不含糊,可過七星橋解厄、繞行五百黝黑羅漢敲鑼印心、跪拜亞洲最大臥佛涅槃像,安太歲自不在話下,甲子太歲爺雙眼長出手掌印象甚深,1994年經閻羅王指示廟公建造一條肚內設極樂世界及陰曹地府之神龍,行走暗黑通道觸動感應機關,只見面容猙獰受刑者呼天搶地喊冤、身邊盡是血肉糢糊殘肢敗屍腦漿塗地,十殿閻羅各司其職、威儀攝人。新北市林口區青嶺湖北文紫祥宮包公廟則以壁面彩塑地獄浮雕獨步全台,粉嫩色彩搭配卡漫風格,尤為造型簡直恐怖到可愛透頂,該廟主祀森羅殿閻羅天子包拯(包青天),陽世冤屈者可至此參拜祭解,求破懸案者眾,逢中元普渡皆以紙紮船渡亡魂至彼岸,全台唯一閻羅天子巨像籌備中,四周環繞墓地,適合修不淨觀也。台灣首尊彰化八卦山大佛旁南天宮(1971)地府則是首座電動地府,規模精小但驚嚇度破表,略顯破敗但五光十色仍蠻凶悍,出自已故台南大道長金登富之作,而電動神明起始可追溯至1960年代北港朝天宮。倒是嘉義水上鄉白人牙膏觀光工廠「戴相府」、「將軍府」設置十殿地府出乎意料之外,乾淨亮麗、ㄧ殿ㄧ間、簡單樸實。由高雄蓮潭龍虎塔龍口入內可見全臺唯一交趾陶地獄牆面,尊尊栩栩如生,續入龍身乃進聞聲救苦白衣觀音大士三十三化身浮雕隧道,造型設色甚為古錐。高雄大岡山超峰寺入口處「西方三聖蓮池海會」(阿彌陀佛、觀世音菩薩、大勢至菩薩巨像)旁設靜態十殿閻羅(1970年代初),雖略為陳舊然韻味猶存,續往上行可抵「證菩提道-釋迦如來應化事迹」雕塑園區,一攬世尊畢生精華。如來年邁時,琉璃國王為報長期被釋迦族輕蔑之傲慢心,世尊雖三次單獨伽跌坐 阻擋大軍進攻之路,但因緣果報無法逆轉,昔日婢女所生王子瞋恨無以復加,還是滅了祖國。自持神通第一目犍連不忍無辜百姓慘遭屠殺,遂以缽盛救度五百族人,最終卻化為血水,佛言神通廣大仍不敵千百劫業力,因緣果報屢試不爽。其母死後墜入餓鬼道飢餓難耐,目犍連遂展神通救渡,但所食尚未入口皆化為赤火,佛陀囑咐農曆七月十五日僧眾解安居自恣日,於盆中設甘露美食供養十方僧眾,因此超度亡母。後世「盂蘭盆法會」乃至「水懺法會」、「瑜珈焰口法會 」皆為消業障、斷塵垢之超渡儀軌,既渡亡魂也自懺悔。
台南麻豆代天府規模宏大、造型豔麗,不但可遊十八層地獄尚可逛天堂(1979年興建,1983年開放),燈光絢爛、聲響駭人,獨自漫步宛如觀落陰、地獄走一回。先過「心頭山」、入「清心池」、進「陰陽界」、抵「交簿廳」、達「鬼門關」、遊「補經所」、探「枉死城」、行「奈何橋」,至ㄧ殿泰廣王照「孽鏡台」現造惡原形,睹抱柱、火床等小地獄。二殿楚江王開「陰查簿 」判案定奪,觀糞尿泥、餓鬼、舞池、寒冰、膿血、鞭韃、舌犁、劍葉、戟腹拋接、砧截……等小地獄。三殿宋帝王刑罰為倒吊、銅鐵刮臉、挖眼、搗樁、倒烤、吸血、穿肋、抽筋、蛆蛀等小地獄……兼遊「四生(胎、卵、濕、化)回魂府」。四殿五官王掌管腰斬、拔舌、沸湯、刺嘴、剝皮、箭樹、車崩、射眼……等十六小地獄。隨五殿森羅王豋「望鄉臺」回眸親人最終眼後觀擊膝、誅心、刀山、飛刀火石……小地獄。六殿卞城王別稱「大叫喚大地獄」,轄火牛、虎啖、噬腎、鉗嘴含鍼、釘喉、磨摧、砍頭……等小地獄。七殿泰山王為「熱惱大地獄」,窺烙手指、抽腸、頂石蹲身、油釜滾烹、割舌穿腮……等十六小地獄。八殿都市王掌管「大熱惱大地獄」兼火狗、鐵汁、鐵蛇、鋸劈斷肢、釘板、灸脊、鐵丸、磅秤……等小地獄。九殿平等王直轄十八層「阿鼻大地獄」,直透地心、內中陰森、不見五指、滿溢地漿,皆為極犯,另轄紫赤毒蛇鑽孔、夾頂、鐵鴉、針雨、蜂蠍……等小地獄。至十殿輪轉王上「觀生臺」、「轉劫所八司」(查驗司 、稽善司 、考過司 、恩怨司 、壽命司 、支配司、掌劫司 、授生司)後至「孟婆亭」飲「醧忘湯」忘盡前塵往事,依前世功德過金、銀、玉、石、木、竹六種橋樑至「轉輪臺(紫河車)」入六道輪迴轉生投胎。據《十八泥犁經》記載,人過世後七七四十九天為「中陰生」,經閻羅王審判善惡業力判定去留或懲罰百千萬劫,犯五逆重罪則墮入「無間地獄(阿鼻地獄)」永劫不復。地藏王乃幽冥教主,統轄十殿閻羅,逢三曹普渡便在各殿設「講道所」超度尚存善根之鬼魂。
人類居於五趣(阿修羅、人、傍生、餓鬼、地獄)雜居地五濁惡世之堪忍世界,犯十惡業(殺生、偷盜、邪淫、妄語、兩舌、惡口、綺語、貪慾、嗔恚、愚痴)者必墮三趣惡道。如何出「三界」(欲界、色界、無色界)二十八天?凡人無此意識,別說能破「十二因緣」(無明、行、識、名色、六入、觸、受、愛、取、有、生、老死)還滅門,更別想斷除「四聖諦」(苦、集、滅、道)集地八十一品見惑與八十八使思惑(五利使-身見、邊見、邪見、見取見、戒禁取見、五鈍使-貪、瞋、癡、慢、疑),了悟「五蘊」(色、受、想、行、識)本空、「十二入」(眼、耳、鼻、舌、意、色、聲、香、味、觸、法)空、「十八界」空,破俱生我執與分別我執、法執甚至空執,生十一處「善心所」(信、精進、慚、愧、無貪、無瞋、無痴、輕安、不放逸、行捨、不害),降二十六處「惡心所」(貪、瞋、癡、慢、疑、惡見、忿、恨、覆、惱、嫉、慳、誑、諂、害、憍、無慚、無愧、掉舉、惛沉、不信、懈怠、放逸、失念、散亂、不正知),須知善根斷盡則陷永劫輪迴、無垠轉世之苦。
地獄可能空滅嗎?若地獄空乏人間多鬼怪,地獄淨空世間何嘗非淨土?若能證空性何處現地獄?
地獄曠古來便廣泛流傳各部族間,老死生滅為自然運行之基礎、宇宙意識之核心,然今文明昌盛如咱城邦並非慾望消弭之所,惡性所及實無可根除,礙於憲法國家法律社會軍隊企業公司學校家庭團體之層層束縛不亞於十八層,乃遁於壓抑、束己情懷,暗埋心底、日久貪嗔痴慢疑怨噌會疊穢。而六塵未熄,心多妄念,妖魔鬼怪魑魅魍魎孤魂閃靈出沒於荒郊乃至人間,會靈於曠野密林以增性靈乃出世高人修煉之舉,我等凡人擅闖宛如迪士尼般之人造地獄,三魂七魄尚不足以出竅,驚邪恐怖淒厲猙獰倒滿足了自以為是的慚愧,豈不謬哉?
病毒肆虐年半有餘,全球確診者逼近一億八千萬,枉死者近四百萬,堪比戰爭規模,望眾生發慈悲心、令往生者安息、善待其他物種、平等有情眾生。地獄本空,唯妄念生起一切羨慕嫉妒恨而地獄現前。盡以此書作為世界新冷戰獨裁者、超限戰者、暗網駭客、陰險狡猾冷嘲熱諷落井下石者之良知備忘錄矣。
姚瑞中寫於2021年端午節
Postscript
I have been living recklessly in Taiwan for more than fifty years. According to Zi Wei Dou Shu (Purple Star Astrology), Tan Lang is the sole star in my house of Self. This star, which represents xxx, forms an equilateral triangle with that star Qi Sha and Po Jun on the square chart and constitutes a Sha Po Lang pattern. The pattern indicates a kind of turbulence and change, a life of wandering with ups and downs and it tells a lot about my life. After my ill-fated youth, I started from scratch and traveled around the world with exhibitions that I participated. Like a flaneur, I wandered around ruins, nature, and temples with every type of film camera obliviously. Thus, I founded the Hall of Illusion and claimed to be the master of the hall. Several times a day, I pondered a quote from the Diamond Sutra, “Everything with form is unreal.” In addition, I usually stayed in the darkroom developing film and enlarging those negatives overnight. However, I treasured the simplicity of the black and white world. The earthly, gaudy, garish, phony and pleasing qualities within colored photos make the images even more realistic than the real world. It is not my cup of tea, so I seldom took colored photos. In Confucian thought, the age of fifty marks the stage knowing the mandate of Heaven. I am now at my fifties and realize how ephemeral human life is. However, I am not an immortal, nor having sagelike characteristics. I just learned that the stage of stainless (the second bhūmi) and develop a pure mind that is free from doubt and defilement. However, I’m still far from the immovable state and need to practice.
In the summer of 2017, after filming the work Incarnation, I experienced a severe heart rhythm problem which almost triggered myocardial infarction and could have killed me. Consequently, I realized that death was waiting for me and the life is too short to figure out how I can liberate myself from the cycle of Birth and Death. I couldn’t comprehend how to be free from all afflictions and worries and how to avoid delusive ideas. I wept for three days and nights after being enlightened by Shakyamuni Buddha. Up to the moment, I felt ashamed that I failed to realize that the self is as insignificant as dust after these years learning and practicing Buddhism. Since then, I have visited famous temples and monasteries in my spare time, worshiping Buddha, Bodhisattvas, arhats, and all the deities and immortals. Taiwan’s temples are myriad with a enormous number of sects, including Buddhism, Taoism, Yiguandao, Catholicism, Christianity, Chinese religions of fasting, Islam& Baháʼí Faith, Confucianism, Tiandiism& Tian-De Teachings, Xiwangmu cult, Yellow Emperor Sect, Precosmic Salvationism, Liism, World Wide Ethical Society, séance cult, etc. Some people even claim that they can mediate communication between the deities or spirits of the dead with human beings, having their believer rely on themselves instead of the orthodox dharma or dogma and pay excessive respect and admiration for the mediums or objects, accumulating wealth through such an unfair means or even harassing their believer sexually. Due to Taiwan’s historical changes, social turbulence, political struggles, and ideological issues, Buddhism and Taoism are somehow mixed. However, there are few emphases on the concept of the hell. As I took photographs of Yama of each court, judges, wardens of the underworld, jailers, General Fan and Hsieh (the ghost escorts) and all sinners, I found few temples cleverly created hellish scenes that are intriguing, exaggerating, and extraordinary. However, the creations are unparalleled unique. I have been studying Western arts for decades and then I came to realize that simplicity makes the most beautiful works of art. These hellish scenes can even compete with works of Giotto di Bondone (1267-1337) and Michelangelo Di lodovico Buonarroti Simoni (1475-1564).
Jingang Temple Shimen District, founded in 1986, overlooks the beautiful North shore. Although the temple is mainly dedicated to Phra Phrom (the Thai representation of Mahabrahma), spirits of Confucianism, Buddhism, and Taoism can also be founded in the temple. The worshipper can go cross the Seven Star bridge to relieve bad luck, walk along the five hundred arhat statues and knock on the gong to affirm one’s Buddha nature. Furthermore, the worshipper can also prostrate themself before Asia’s largest statue of Buddha in Nirvana (the Reclining Buddha statue) and pacify the Taoist Tai Sui deity of the year. I was impressed by the Jia-Zi Tai Sui General that a pair of palms grow out of his eyes. In 1994, the biō-kong (the person taking charge of the temporal affairs of a temple) received a divine inspiration from Yama (the King of Hell) that he had to build a sacred hall in the shape of a divine dragon, with the interior designed according to the World of Ultimate Bliss and the Underworld. When the visitor walks in the dark hallway, they will see the tortured people (dioramas, of course) scrunching their faces and crying bitterly and loudly in excessive grief as the visitor triggers the mechanism. One will even find them in the midst of flesh, body liquid and blood, mutilated limbs, and rotten corpses. While each of the ten Yamas are focusing on their own duties, showing their sacred dignity that collect visitors’ attention. The Baogong Temple in Linkou District, New Taipei City exclusively features colorful depiction of hellish scenes in relief in Taiwan. With its pastel shades and cartoon-like style, the relief is both grotesque and adorable at the same time. This temple is dedicated to Bao Zhen (also known as Justice Bao) representing the incarnation of Yama. Living people who have been treated unjustly can come worshipping Bao Gong and receive exorcism. Therefore, many people come here for seeking to solve unsolved cases. In Zhongyuan Festival (the ghost festival), the temple will burn the Zhizha (paper craft) boat to ferry the ghosts to the other shore, which is the shore of enlightenment. The only giant statue of Yama in Taiwan is still in the making. The temple is surrounded by a cemetery, suitable for meditating on the loathsomeness and impurity. Nantian Temple (1971), located next to the Eight Trigram Mountains Buddha in Changhua, features the first animatronic underworld. Despite the small size, the animatronic underworld is intensely shocking. Though it’s slightly worn, the colorful dioramas are still brutally ferocious. The creator was the late venerable Dao Zhang (Taoist priest) Jing Deng-fu while the origin of animatronic deities can be traced back to the 1960s Beigang Chaotian Temple. On the contrary, the Whiteman Toothpaste Tourism Factory in Shuishang Township, Chiayi, features ten Yamas with individual booth. The place is unexpectedly clean and polished yet keeps a simple and modest tone. Then, the Dragon Pagoda of the Dragon and Tiger Pagodas at Lotus Lake in Zuoying, Kaohsiung, holds the only relief of hellish scenes made of Kochin ceramic. All the figures are vivid and life-like. If one goes further into the pagoda, they will see a relief tunnel of the thirty-three incarnations of the white-robed form of Guanyin (Avalokiteśvara) on a white lotus, with a lovely and interesting design. Another Hall of Yama is built in the 1970s next to the entrance of Dagangshan Chaofeng Temple, located in the Alian District of Kaohsiung. Visitors will also see three statues of the Three Holy Ones of the Western Pureland (Amitābha, Avalokiteśvara, Mahāsthāmaprāpta) which assemble at a lotus pond. Although the hellish scene looks somewhat antiquated, you may still find its previous charm. If one goes further, they will reach the sculptural garden of “Attaining the Bodhi Way: the Incarnation of Sakyamuni Buddha,” where the visitor can see the essence of Bhagavato’s (meaning the Blessed one, one of the common epithets for Buddha) life. When Tathāgata (another epithet for Buddha) was old, the king of Kosala wanted to avenge the arrogance of the tribe of Shakyas who had long despised him, regarding him as a son of a maiden. Although Buddha has sat in lotus position alone three times to stop the army from attacking his tribe. However, one can never reverse the cause and following karma. The prince born of a maiden was so furious that he eventually destroyed his homeland. Maudgalyāyana (one of the Buddha’s closest disciples), who is said to have had supernatural abilities that surpassed the other disciples, could not bear to see the slaughter of innocent people. Thus, he saved five hundred people of his tribe with a pātra (an eating utensil of Buddhist monks). Unfortunately, everything he did was in vain, those who were saved eventually turned into a puddle of blood. The Buddha said that the supernatural abilities cannot surpass the power of karma. The cause and effect work all the time. When Maudgalyāyana’s mother fell into the path of hungry ghost, he used his supernatural abilities to save his mother from hunger. However, all the food turned into fire before being fed to his mother. Later, the Buddha commanded the monks to put nectar and dishes in a basin on the 15th day of the seventh month in the lunar calendar for the monks from all directions to free his mother from reincarnation. In later times, the Ullambana Dharma Service, the Compassionate Samadhi Water Repentance, and the Yoga Collection for Feeding the Searing Mouths Dharma Service are rituals to eliminate karmic hindrance and to cease to worldly delusions. Through such practices, one can free the dead as well as confess their repentance.
Madou Daitian Temple is a magnificent and colorful temple in Tainan. Not only can the worshippers visit the eighteen levels of Hell but also the Heaven (it was built in 1979 and inaugurated in 1983) here. The lighting and sound effects are stunning and frightening. When walking alone in the space, one may feel like taking a Guan Luo Yin trip (a Taoist necromancy which leads people’s spirits to hell and communicate with the dead ones) to visit the underworld prison. Before arriving the first court of the underworld, the visitor will walk through the Mountain of Heart Summit, the Pure Heart Pond, the Frontier between the Living and the Dead Realms, the Soul Registry Hall, the Portico of Demons, the Center for Complementary Teaching of Canonical Books, the Citadel of Premature Death, and the Bridge of Vanity. When one arrives at the first court, they will see King Chin-guang, who is in charge of the court, using the Mirror of Retribution to show the earthly form of evil creatures and also witness the sub-hell of Pillar-Holding and Fire Bed, etc. At the second court, King Chu-jiang collates the register of sins the souls of the dead have committed to impose the punishments. Here, you will see the sub-hell of Excrement and Urine, Hungry Ghost, Burning Dance Floor, Ice, Pus and Blood, Whipping, Tongue-Raking, Sword Blade, Stomach-Piercing, Chopping, etc. Next, the dead at the third court, ruled by King Song-di, will receive the punishments including inversion tortures, face-skinning with steel and copper knife, eye-wrenching, pounding, blood-sucking, rib-piercing, roasting, tendon-taking, being eaten by maggots. The visitor can pay a visit to the Palace of Soul-Resuscitation for the Four Forms of Creatures (birth from an egg, birth from a womb, birth from moisture, and birth by transformation). King Wu-guan is in charge of the fourth court. There are sixteen sub-hells at the fourth court including Waist Chop, Tongue Removal, Boiling Pond, Mouth-stabbing, Skin-peeling, Sword Tree, Burning Wheels and Cart, Eye-shooting, etc. Next, at the fifth court, sinful souls are allowed to ascend the Tower of Hometown-Viewing to take a final look of their family. The visitor will witness sub-hells of Knee-striking, Heart-slicing, Blade Mountain, Flying Swords and Burning Stones, etc. The King of Bian City takes charge of the sixth court, which is also known as the “Great Hell of Screaming,” with sub-hells including Fire Cattle, Tiger-Biting, Kidney-Eating, Mouth-Poking, Throat-Nailing, Iron Mill, Decapitation, etc. The King of Tai-shan is in charge of the seventh court, the “Great Hell of Heat and Fire.” The sixteen sub-hells at this court include Finger-Searing, Bowel-Hauling, Stone-Bearing, Boiling Oil, Tongue-Removal and Cheek-Piercing, etc. Next, the King Du-shi is in charge of the eighth court, the “Great Hell of Intense Fire and Heat,” and the sub-hells including Fire Dogs, Molten Iron, Iron Snakes, Dismemberment, Steel Spikes, Burning-Marrow, Iron Ball, Scale, etc. The ninth court is ruled by the King Ping-deng. It is known as the biggest court, Avici Hell (the Hell of Incessant Suffering), which if the lowest level of the hell realm and the interior is gloomily and terrifyingly dark. Those who committed the most serious evil deed will be sent to the Avici Hell. Sub-hells such as Poisonous Snake, Brain-Removal, Crow-Gnawing, Raining Needles, Wasps and Scorpions are included at this court. After arriving the tenth court, ruled by the Great King of the Reincarnation Palace, one can visit the “Observatory of Life on earth” and the “eight bureaus of the Reincarnation Palace” (including the Bureau of Judicial Control, the Bureau of Good-Actions, the Bureau of Bad-Actions, the Bureau of Debts, Gratitude, and Vengeance, the Bureau of Longevity and Destiny, the Bureau of Familial Ties, the Bureau of the Reincarnated, and the Bureau of Birth). The sinful one will be sent to the Pavilion of Mengpo and made to drink the Soup of Forgetfulness to forget all past affairs. According to the sinful one’s merits of previous life, they will go across one of the six bridges (gold, silver, jade, stone, wood, bamboo) to the “Reincarnation-Wheel (Wheel on the Crimson River).” Finally, one is able to reborn in the six realms. According to the Aṣṭadaśa nāraka sutra ( the Eighteen Hells Sutra), after one passes away, they will enter an intermediate and transitional state between death and rebirth, known as antarābhava in Sanskrit, for forty-nine days. The being will be evaluated by Yama, who will decide if one should get reborn or get punished at the hell. Those who committed the Five Grave Offenses (killing one’s father, killing one’s mother, killing an Arhat, shedding the blood of a Buddha, and creating a schism within the community of Buddhist monks and nun who practice for attaining enlightenment.) will be sent to the Avici Hell and stay there eternally. Kṣitigarbha is the Lord of the Nether World, ruling the ten court of Hell. The lord will set up the “Hall of Teaching” at each court to salvage those sinful ones who still obtain few merits at the offering rituals.
Human beings live the Sahā world (sahāloka in Sanskrit, meaning “endurance of suffering,” a concept of mundane world in Mahāyāna Buddhism) where they share with other reincarnations (including beings of the hells, of the preta, and of malevolent nature spirits) with five turbidities (the Kalpa turbidity, the view turbidity, the affliction turbidity, the living beings turbidity, and the life turbidity). Those who commit the ten evil deeds (killing, stealing, adultery, lying, using immoral language, slandering, equivocating, coveting, anger, and false views) must fall into the three evil paths (animals, preta, and hell). However, how can one escape from the three realms/ twenty-eight heavens (including the six heavens of the desire realm, the eighteen heavens of the form realm, and the four heavens of the formless realm)? Worldly people who don’t have such an awareness cannot leave the cycle of the twelve nidanas (meaning causes or motivations), let alone eliminate the eighty-one afflictions (that have been produced due to misunderstanding regarding reality) and the eighty-eight illusions (including five afflictions of advanced practitioners, also known as five views: view of self, extreme view, evil view, view of attachment to views, and view of morality; and five unintelligent temptations: desire, anger, stupidity, arrogance, and doubt) of thought within the three realms and four Arya satyas (noble truths, including suffering, arising, ending, and path). They cannot realize that the essence of the five skandhas (referring to aggregates of clinging, including the matter of form, sensation, recognition, mental formation, and consciousness) , the twelve ayatana (meaning sense base, including six internal bases: eye, ear, nose, tongue, body, and mind and six external bases: visible objects, sound, odor, taste, touch, and mental objects), and the eighteen dhātavah (meaning compositional elements of human existence, including six consciousness, six faculties, and their objects) are the emptiness and the void. Furthermore, they cannot dispel the two reasons for clinging to the idea of the self and the attachment to elemental constructs and even believe in the two (false) tenets that that karma and nirvana are not real and that the ego and phenomena are real. As a consequence, they fail to develop the eleven wholesome mental factors (faith, energy, conscience, being ashamed, non-attachment, non-aggression, non-delusion, calmness, equanimity, conscientiousness, and non-injuriousness) and cease the sixteen unwholesome mental factors (desire, greed, anger, delusion, arrogance, doubt, wrong view, wrath, enmity, hypocrisy, vexation, jealousy, parsimony, deceit, flattery, harming, ambitiousness, stupidity, lacking of faith, idleness, being unrestrained, forgetting, distraction, non-discernment, ). One must bear in mind that once all our virtuous roots are discontinued, they will be trapped in the never-ending reincarnation and the suffering of infinite continuity.
Is it possible that the hell will be empty one day? If the beings in hell will become extinct while evil spirits inhabit the mundane world, the world could be considered as a pure land. If we could witness the nature of the void, then hell will exist no more.
Since ancient times, the concept of hell has been widely spread among all tribes. Aging, death, beginning, and end are the basis of nature and the core of cosmic consciousness. However, the prosperous civilization as our island is not a place where desire can be eliminated. It’s impossible to eradicate evil nature. Since fetters brought by the constitution, the state, the law, society, the military, corporations, schools, families, and groups are not less than the eighteen levels of hell, the mortals repress themselves, bury their feelings. Day after day, greed, anger, stupidity, arrogance, doubt, and resentment are stacking. However, since the six dust (visible objects, sound, odor, taste, touch, and mental objects) has not yet been extinguished, people in the mundane world are still full of delusions. The demons, devils, evil spirits, and the wondering dead exist in the wilderness, while only advanced practitioners with transcendent would attempt to make contact with the dead in the wasteland and forest. Worldly people like us trespass in Disneyland-like man-made hell. It is absurd and ridiculous that the hellish scenes cannot stop us from perpetrating evil deeds, but the horrific and cruel scenes yet satisfy our self-righteous shame.
The pandemic has been boiling over for more than a year and a half. The number of infected patients worldwide is nearly a hundred and eighty million, and the death toll has risen to four million, which is equivalent to a war crisis. I hope that we can all be compassionate, give peace to the dead, treat all sentient beings well and equally. The hell is innately empty; however, deluded and misleading thoughts would give rise to all jealousy and hatred and then manifest the hell before us. This book merely serves as a memorandum of conscience for dictators of the world’s new cold war, supporters of unrestrained warfare, dark web hackers, and those who are cunning and contemptuous and maltreat others when knowing they have problems.
June 2021,
Yao Jui-chung
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紀念外公
我這人不講什麼靈異的事情,家人也都不迷信,但外公過世那陣子倒是真的發生過許多很「玄」的事,包括托夢。
他多次對不同親人托夢,我夢到過兩次,他說「要回房間休息一下,房間很亂,叫他們把床上的東西拿開」我跟我媽說,我媽嚇到,因為外公的床上真的堆滿了要燒的紙蓮花(我在台北當然不知情)。另一次,我夢到他穿著入葬的馬褂,手上拿著好多紅包甩呀甩,咧著嘴笑嘻嘻的看著我。外公過世前正逢農曆年,我們確實在他枕頭下放了很多紅包,他在告訴我不用擔心,他收到了。
外公托夢給表弟的內容更有趣,但不贅述。
其它很「玄」的事情,包括器官已經衰竭無知覺時,聽到外婆的聲音就流淚,包括聽到兒子答應他某件放心不下的事情後,才嚥下了最後一口氣;包括每個7(頭七、七七)都回家,家裡的電話電鈴都發出異常聲音。
那種感覺很像,你知道他放心不下子孫、捨不得走,你很想再多感應到他一些,但是已經陰陽兩隔。你很害怕嬌生慣養ㄧ世的老爺子,一個人怎麼走向未知世界,怕他會認不得路、怕他孤單,怕他沒有順利走向菩薩道去。
外婆在外公生日的時候,如常早起做了幾個他愛吃的菜,趁熱捧到放牌位前放著:「今天是你的冥誕,多吃一點。」那份心意就好像老伴還在世,雖然已經看不見形體,他的一切卻未曾離開。
我最近也常回想起很多小時候的片段,外公怎麼牽我去看牙醫、怎麼對我說大道理、還有常常叮嚀我要孝順媽媽。我長大後,甚至講過「女人最大的智慧是溫柔」
現在想起來,無數的叮嚀真是越種越深,有如一顆在心底生根的大樹,此生餘蔭受用不盡,他離開後更感覺,這份恩情歷久綿長,懷念他的好、他老年時的可愛,久久不能自己。
那些很「玄」的事情使我相信,當你非常愛自己的家人,就連你的離開都是帶有任務在身,他讓我從一個混沌不明的狀態,突然「想通」很多事情。多虧有你,不論發生什麼事,我能用溫柔而堅強的心面對這個世界。
多虧有你,我明白人生並不長,要做什麼事不能拖延,生命能帶走的東西一樣都不缺,不能帶走的唯一只有愛。
#想你了
#愛要及時
#寫於2016年
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疫情爆發以來,藝術家能做的事不多,平常就閉關在家其實挺習慣,但是總想為社會做些事、幫上忙,想了半天安撫人心也許還行吧!於是另一本「地獄空」將趕在中元普渡八月初出版上市,由典藏出版社社長發心首肯出版,設計名家黃子欽操刀,附贈很多符咒給大家趨吉避凶。諸惡莫作,眾善奉行,疫情消退,平安喜樂。附上後記給大家解封後參訪這些宮廟,觀照自己的心所。全文如下:
野放台灣五十餘年,貪狼獨坐,三方四正殺破狼格局,少年多舛,白手起家,隨展覽雲遊四海,如閒雲野鶴常持各類底片機流連廢墟、山川、宮廟忘返,遂設幻影堂自詡堂主,一日三省「凡所有相皆是虛妄」,常宅於暗房沖片放大通宵、鐘情黑白世界之單純,彩色照片俗世繽紛花俏做作甜美甚至比現實更現實故少拍也。知天命之年有餘,了悟人生一瞬、眨眼即逝,雖非仙人,亦無道骨,初聞離垢地生清淨心,但離華嚴「不動地」尚遠,待修持也。
2017年盛暑拍畢「巨神連線」,心律不整差點心肌梗塞向閻羅王報到,意識死神隨伺在側,人生苦短,如何了生脫死、盡斷煩惱、無所罣礙、遠離顛倒…總不得解,蒙釋迦摩尼佛開示飆淚三晝夜,聞佛法數載始知自我渺如塵埃,甚感慚愧。閒暇乃參訪名寺古剎,禮敬焚香佛陀菩薩羅漢諸神天仙王爺媽娘,台灣宮廟千奇百怪、宗派錯綜複雜(佛教、道教、一貫道、天主教、基督教、齋教、回教&大同教、儒教鸞堂、天帝教&天德教、慈惠堂&勝安宮、軒轅教、道院、理教、萬國道德會、會靈山…)、神棍橫行(依人不依法、偶像崇拜、斂財、邪淫),因歷史變遷、社會動盪、政治鬥爭、意識形態等因素導致佛道混雜,但地獄造景稀少,後專注拍攝各殿閻王、判官、陰司、獄卒、七爺、八爺乃至一切罪人,各寺造景巧妙、耐人尋味,意境乖張溢於言表,造型扭曲非常人所能塑也,然匠心獨運、自成一格,專研西方藝術數十載方知真誠樸拙最美,絲毫不輸喬托(Giotto di Bondone,1267~1337)乃至米開郎基羅(Michelangelo Di lodovico Buonarroti Simoni 1475 ~ 1564)矣。
創立於1986年的石門金剛宮風景優美可眺望北濱,雖主祀四面佛,儒釋道眾神尊也不含糊,可過七星橋解厄、繞行五百黝黑羅漢敲鑼印心、跪拜亞洲最大臥佛涅槃像,安太歲自不在話下,甲子太歲爺雙眼長出手掌印象甚深,1994年經閻羅王指示廟公建造一條肚內設極樂世界及陰曹地府之神龍,行走暗黑通道觸動感應機關,只見面容猙獰受刑者呼天搶地喊冤、身邊盡是血肉糢糊殘肢敗屍腦漿塗地,十殿閻羅各司其職、威儀攝人。新北市林口區青嶺湖北文紫祥宮包公廟則以壁面彩塑地獄浮雕獨步全台,粉嫩色彩搭配卡漫風格,尤為造型簡直恐怖到可愛透頂,該廟主祀森羅殿閻羅天子包拯(包青天),陽世冤屈者可至此參拜祭解,求破懸案者眾,逢中元普渡皆以紙紮船渡亡魂至彼岸,全台唯一閻羅天子巨像籌備中,四周環繞墓地,適合修不淨觀也。台灣首尊彰化八卦山大佛旁南天宮(1971)地府則是首座電動地府,規模精小但驚嚇度破表,略顯破敗但五光十色仍蠻凶悍,出自已故台南大道長金登富之作,而電動神明起始可追溯至1960年代北港朝天宮。倒是嘉義水上鄉白人牙膏觀光工廠「戴相府」、「將軍府」設置十殿地府出乎意料之外,乾淨亮麗、ㄧ殿ㄧ間、簡單樸實。由高雄蓮潭龍虎塔龍口入內可見全臺唯一交趾陶地獄牆面,尊尊栩栩如生,續入龍身乃進聞聲救苦白衣觀音大士三十三化身浮雕隧道,造型設色甚為古錐。高雄大岡山超峰寺入口處「西方三聖蓮池海會」(阿彌陀佛、觀世音菩薩、大勢至菩薩巨像)旁設靜態十殿閻羅(1970年代初),雖略為陳舊然韻味猶存,續往上行可抵「證菩提道-釋迦如來應化事迹」雕塑園區,一攬世尊畢生精華。如來年邁時,琉璃國王為報長期被釋迦族輕蔑之傲慢心,世尊雖三次單獨伽跌坐阻擋大軍進攻之路,但因緣果報無法逆轉,昔日婢女所生王子瞋恨無以復加,還是滅了祖國。自持神通第一目犍連不忍無辜百姓慘糟屠殺,遂以缽盛救度五百族人,最終卻化為血水,佛言神通廣大仍不敵千百劫業力,因緣果報屢試不爽。其母死後墜入餓鬼道飢餓難耐,目犍連遂展神通救渡,但所食尚未入口皆化為赤火,佛陀囑咐農曆七月十五日僧眾解安居自恣日,於盆中設甘露美食供養十方僧眾,因此超度亡母。後世「盂蘭盆法會」乃至「水懺法會」、「瑜珈焰口法會」皆為消業障、斷塵垢之超渡儀軌,既渡亡魂也自懺悔。
台南麻豆代天府規模宏大、造型豔麗,不但可遊十八層地獄尚可逛天堂(1979年興建,1983年開放),燈光絢爛、聲響駭人,獨自漫步宛如觀落陰、地獄走一回。先過「心頭山」、入「清心池」、進「陰陽界」、抵「交簿廳」、達「鬼門關」、遊「補經所」、探「枉死城」、行「奈何橋」,至ㄧ殿泰廣王照「孽鏡台」現造惡原形,睹抱柱、火床等小地獄。二殿楚江王開「陰查簿」判案定奪,觀糞尿泥、餓鬼、舞池、寒冰、膿血、鞭韃、舌犁、劍葉、戟腹拋接、砧截…等小地獄。三殿宋帝王刑罰為倒吊、銅鐵刮臉、挖眼、搗樁、倒烤、吸血、穿肋、抽筋、蛆蛀等小地獄…兼遊「四生(胎、卵、濕、化)回魂府」。四殿五官王掌管腰斬、拔舌、沸湯、刺嘴、剝皮、箭樹、車崩、射眼…等十六小地獄。隨五殿森羅王豋「望鄉臺」回眸親人最終眼後觀擊膝、誅心、刀山、飛刀火石…小地獄。六殿卞城王別稱「大叫喚大地獄」,轄火牛、虎啖、噬腎、鉗嘴含鍼、釘喉、磨摧、砍頭…等小地獄。七殿泰山王為「熱惱大地獄」,窺烙手指、抽腸、頂石蹲身、油釜滾烹、割舌穿腮…等十六小地獄。八殿都市王掌管「大熱惱大地獄」兼火狗、鐵汁、鐵蛇、鋸劈斷肢、釘板、灸脊、鐵丸、磅秤…等小地獄。九殿平等王直轄十八層「阿鼻大地獄」,直透地心、內中陰森、不見五指、滿溢地漿,皆為極犯,另轄紫赤毒蛇鑽孔、夾頂、鐵鴉、針雨、蜂蠍…等小地獄。至十殿輪轉王上「觀生臺」、「轉劫所八司」(查驗司 、稽善司 、考過司 、恩怨司 、壽命司 、支配司、掌劫司 、授生司)後至「孟婆亭」飲「醧忘湯」忘盡前塵往事,依前世功德過金、銀、玉、石、木、竹六種橋樑至「轉輪臺(紫河車)」入六道輪迴轉生投胎。據「十八泥犁經」記載,人過世後七七四十九天為「中陰生」,經閻羅王審判善惡業力判定去留或懲罰百千萬劫,犯五逆重罪則墮入「無間地獄(阿鼻地獄)」永劫不復。地藏王乃幽冥教主,統轄十殿閻羅,逢三曹普渡便在各殿設「講道所」超度尚存善根之鬼魂。
人類居於五趣(阿修羅、人、傍生、餓鬼、地獄)雜居地五濁惡世之堪忍世界,犯十惡業(殺生、偷盜、邪淫、妄語、兩舌、惡口、綺語、貪慾、嗔恚、愚痴)者必墮三趣惡道。如何出「三界」(欲界、色界、無色界)二十八天?凡人無此意識,別說能破「十二因緣」(無明、行、識、名色、六入、觸、受、愛、取、有、生、老死)還滅門,更別想斷除「四聖諦」(苦、集、滅、道)集地八十一品見惑與八十八使思惑(五利使-身見、邊見、邪見、見取見、戒禁取見、五鈍使-貪、瞋、癡、慢、疑),了悟「五蘊」(色、受、想、行、識)本空、「十二入」(眼、耳、鼻、舌、意、色、聲、香、味、觸、法)空、「十八界」空,破俱生我執與分別我執、法執甚至空執,生十一處「善心所」(信、精進、慚、愧、無貪、無瞋、無痴、輕安、不放逸、行捨、不害),降二十六處「惡心所」(貪、瞋、癡、慢、疑、惡見、忿、恨、覆、惱、嫉、慳、誑、諂、害、憍、無慚、無愧、掉舉、惛沉、不信、懈怠、放逸、失念、散亂、不正知),須知善根斷盡則陷永劫輪迴、無垠轉世之苦。
地獄可能空滅嗎?若地獄空乏人間多鬼怪,地獄淨空世間何嘗非淨土?若能證空性何處現地獄?
地獄曠古來便廣泛流傳各部族間,老死生滅為自然運行之基礎、宇宙意識之核心,然今文明昌盛如咱城邦並非慾望消弭之所,惡性所及實無可根除,礙於憲法國家法律社會軍隊企業公司學校家庭團體之層層束縛不亞於十八層,乃遁於壓抑、束己情懷,暗埋心底、日久貪嗔痴慢疑怨噌會疊穢。而六塵未熄,心多妄念,妖魔鬼怪魑魅魍魎孤魂閃靈出沒於荒郊乃至人間,會靈於曠野密林以增性靈乃出世高人修煉之舉,我等凡人擅闖宛如迪士尼般之人造地獄,三魂七魄尚不足以出竅,驚邪恐怖淒厲猙獰倒滿足了自以為是的慚愧,豈不謬哉?
病毒肆虐年半有餘,全球確診者逼近一億八千萬,枉死者近四百萬,堪比戰爭規模,望眾生發慈悲心、令往生者安息、善待其他物種、平等有情眾生。地獄本空,唯妄念生起一切羨慕嫉妒恨而地獄現前。盡以此書作為世界新冷戰獨裁者、超限戰者、暗網駭客、陰險狡猾冷嘲熱諷落井下石者之良知備忘錄矣。
姚瑞中寫於2021年端午節
親人過世前感應 在 新聞挖挖哇! Youtube 的精選貼文
⭐校正回歸挺醫護!抗疫名醫不捨學弟病逝淚崩!►►https://youtu.be/CJuPG6h5zTk
⭐前任不只是前任!美女藝人爆料舊情人秘辛!► ►https://youtu.be/0KdwUNe0G-8
⭐王崇禮揪出真相!三個奇蹟聖茭媽祖顯靈► ►https://youtu.be/a07wSi8m8HI
⭐別讓老公娶別人!黃越綏叮嚀罹癌女主播?► ►https://youtu.be/J-2jHFAHp3Q
⭐黃宥嘉轟防疫破口!直播捕獲野生楊志良?► ►https://youtu.be/y_mm36xS8JA
⭐防疫隔離保命三招!名嘴王瑞德掉下火神的眼淚!► ►https://youtu.be/_ulXUL_ktXo
⭐台灣疫情壓不住!本土感染擴散何時緩解?► ►https://youtu.be/FrGZFjeTNA8
⭐16年婚姻還有恨?單親爸一夜被前妻拋棄!
► ►ttps://youtu.be/tKkw5C0Zims
⭐別讓老公娶別人!黃越綏叮嚀罹癌女主播?
► ►https://youtu.be/J-2jHFAHp3Q
⭐大炳亡魂有感應!名嘴嚇破膽全場發毛
► ►https://youtu.be/_LAAqQqx_lQ
⭐天命難為女總統!2021蔡英文最大危機
► ►https://youtu.be/ZzCx8THDmQ8
00:00 介紹來賓
00:55 星座專家唐綺陽與母親有心結?
02:41 小媽媽生小孩,把女兒當競爭對手?
07:48 把孩子們養大養好,是媽媽唯一價值?
11:30 眼看女兒功成名就,媽媽忌妒心大起?
14:50 對媽的回憶充滿中藥味?
19:00 簽下女兒的休學同意書,是母愛的展現!
23:36 幫媽媽插管急救,讓爸爸深感愧疚!
26:43 媽媽五天內驟逝,許久後哀傷才找上門!
31:27 在最驕傲的時刻,老是被媽媽潑冷水?
33:39 不願幫媽媽送終,母女的怨有多深?
37:47 女兒全心照顧爸媽,遺產卻沒有她的份?
40:00 最被忽略的孩子,往往是最孝順的?
44:42 要女兒放棄繼承?女兒不敢不從?
48:10 財產只給兒子,死後卻只有女兒送終!
50:27 大小事都要媽媽同意,孝子為難?
54:43 被媽媽要求拋棄繼承,孩子很受傷!
1:02:03 連老婆都讓媽媽選?就沒婆媳問題了嗎?
1:06:27 半夜驚見太太手拿菜刀,才知道問題大條了!
每周二到周六凌晨12點半準時上傳最新節目!
支持正版,尊重版權請訂閱【新聞挖挖哇】
官方 Youtube 頻道喲!
臉書請搜尋【新聞挖挖哇粉絲團】
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#新聞挖挖哇#唐綺陽#新聞挖挖哇2021#鄭弘儀
![post-title](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wEoSrZMPPhU/hqdefault.jpg)
親人過世前感應 在 新聞挖挖哇! Youtube 的精選貼文
激情時刻不戴罩 衝動憋不住火車上猛喇舌
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老人小孩聲真撞鬼?車禍墜河狂罵五字獲救!
👉https://youtu.be/VUhEvfM7xYw
黃宥嘉大譙下地獄!生下病兒遭罵業力引爆?
👉https://youtu.be/mQr8DX8PJFM
每周二到周六凌晨12點半準時上傳最新節目!
支持正版,尊重版權請訂閱【新聞挖挖哇】
官方 Youtube 頻道喲!
臉書請搜尋【新聞挖挖哇粉絲團】
http://www.facebook.com/newswawawa
【分段重點】
00:00 開場介紹
00:55 左耳忽然全聾了 嚇到夜不成眠!
04:28 耳朵好痛!一個動作既能緩解!
10:45 二十四小時都在耳鳴 多令人崩潰?
14:53 耳鳴如影隨形 其實是心理問題?
17:52 耳朵中風 全身動都不能動!
21:16 名主播接到惡作劇電話?原來是聾了!
23:34 耳鳴其實是保護你的警鈴?
26:53 半夜聽到男人唱歌 卻找不到人?
31:35 每天聽到女人歌聲 是耳病還是卡到陰?
38:59 耳鳴聽到蟲鳴聲 是祖先有是要交代?
43:29 什麼科別都醫不好 只好求助宮廟?
46:07 常聽到神佛講話 是幻聽還是神之音?
49:33 王母娘娘幫心臟科醫師會診?
52:52 看得到「東西」?從小被迫常搬家!
54:55 能預測天災?醫師認證的女巫家族!
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01:03:48 譨看到過世的親人?該找醫師還是老師?
#新聞挖挖哇#鄭弘儀#新聞挖挖哇2021
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親人過世前感應 在 親人去世的當下真的會有感應嗎- 靈異板 的必吃
去年某天晚上我突然感到一陣暈眩和眼前一片空白以前完全沒有這樣過,但我也沒什麼在意直到過了幾個小時我媽媽打電話跟我說某位親人過世了祂去世的時間 ... ... <看更多>
親人過世前感應 在 親人過世感應的問題包括PTT、Dcard、Mobile01,我們都能 ... 的必吃
但是我敢說。要死的人絕對自己知道我奶奶就是這樣,去世的前一天晚上。她突然說,我以後 ... 親人 ... ... <看更多>
親人過世前感應 在 [經驗] 爺爺過逝前的感應- 看板marvel - 批踢踢實業坊 的必吃
4/18 0點Update
先謝大家的讚美,
我沒有那麼好啦,
雖然我有爸媽,但是爺爺奶奶填補了我心中爸媽的位子;
養在他們跟前,感情自然親密。
所以照顧他們到老真的是我該作的!
長照這件事真的是台灣年輕一代未來勢必面對的大問題,
如果你/妳身旁還有年邁的親人,
希望大家能趕快表達出妳/你對他們的愛,
等他們不在了,就什麼都不是了。
—
我單獨照顧爺爺奶奶約莫快10年了,
因為我在外地工作,
所以維持每週南下回去一次,每次兩天,
生活就是上班-休假(回老家)-北上(上班)-休假(回老家)這樣持續著。
我爸因為欠債在外不處理,還有些違法的事,被我爺爺趕出去;
我叔叔長期在台北,大月2-3個月南下回家一次。
姑姑住在附近,距離爺爺奶奶家約莫10分鐘的車程。
本來還有個跟我爺爺奶奶住一起的親弟,
但跟爺爺藉口借錢而還不出來後,
在某天突然離家出走,不再回家
這件事對我爺爺奶奶打擊很大,
後來,我弟是跟已經跟我爸離婚的我媽住一起。
後來回想,
其實爺爺出事到過世時間很緊湊,
約莫2個月內就過世了。
出事那天,
我在老家,
那天我預計的行程是:
早上:騎車載著奶奶去做幾週前已排好的胸腔電腦斷層掃描;
下午:去醫院幫爺爺換藥。
爺爺雖然有帕金森症,
但還不到失智的狀態,就是活動上不方便,
需要仰賴助行器。(然後被我禁止騎機車外出,為了這個跟我吵很久)。)
上週帶爺爺去看了老人整合門診,
因為帕金森症的關係,爺爺有睡眠障礙問題,
醫生開了非常輕劑量的安眠藥,
但爺爺吃了,連白天都昏昏欲睡,
所以我打算下午去找醫生換藥!
出門前,再三跟爺爺講說,我跟奶奶要出門,
也再三確定他沒有想要去上廁所,
想扶他回房間睡覺,他偏要坐在椅子上睡...
一直再三交代他:要起來、走路上廁所等,務必都一定要拿著助行器!
他也點頭說好,然後叫我們快快出門。
出門前,突然有個想法從我腦中一閃而過,
我寫了幾張有我手機號碼的便條紙,
分給4、5個鄰居,
請她們,萬一爺爺有事打給我!
陪奶奶到醫院的路上,
奶奶還問我,幹嘛把電話號碼分給鄰居?
我說,就只是一個念頭閃過,有備無患啦!
但,快10年來,我從來沒有過這種念頭,彷彿有人催著我一定要做這件事。
就在奶奶的電腦斷層掃描做完,等她沒那麼暈眩,
我們就要回家時,我就接到了鄰居的電話,告知我爺爺跌倒了,人半昏迷,嘴裡一直唸著
我的名字。
因為奶奶還有暈眩感,
所以我請認識的計程車司機來載她,
我先騎車回家!
回到家,就看到爺爺躺在地上,嘴裡一直叫我的名字。
確認他呼吸心跳略快、意識正常、沒有開放性外傷、身上沒有血漬,打了119後,我才敢
輕輕推了我爺爺左手臂幾下。
他一下就拉著我的手,一邊叫我的名字,一邊說右胸口很痛。
因為他是倒在客廳的木頭椅子扶手旁,所以我有點懷疑他是肋骨斷了,
但有沒有內出血,還是得送到醫院才知道。
後來到了急診室,
確認肋骨3、4、5斷裂,無其他合併內傷,
但爺爺因為血氧濃度過低,
三小時後就昏迷直接進呼吸照護病房.
在呼吸照護病房每天我們都會去看他,
他都是昏迷狀態,
但我們都在他耳邊說話,
他有重聽,我不太確定他能不能聽到。
在呼吸照護病房住了約10天,期間發出的三次的病危通知,
因為爺爺有跟我說過,他不要被急救,
跟叔叔和奶奶討論了一下後,
我們就簽了放棄急救同意書,
後來確認爺爺能自主呼吸就轉一般病房,觀察滿24小時就回家了。
回家後因為照護有問題,
請了外勞,爺爺不喜歡,
呼吸會痛,爺爺整天整晚大鬧,
我跟叔叔、外勞都被折騰得很累,
然後翻身也有問題(爺爺很胖),
我們徵得爺爺同意,先讓他住進安養中心,
直到他可以自行走路、就立刻帶回家。
他想了一小時後,就說好,但一直要我們保證一定要帶他回家!
住進安養中心後,
我回台中上班,公司當時讓我請了家照假10天;
叔叔跟奶奶每天早晚都去陪爺爺1小時左右。
其中我回去的那禮拜也是每天都去看他,
看他想吃什麼就帶去,
除了食慾不太好外,氣色都還行,也會指定要我帶什麼吃的過去給他。
物理治療時也說,依爺爺的復健情況,大約過年前就可以回家了。
爺爺住進安養中心約莫20天後,
我在台中,
當天晚上10點左右,
我開始覺得呼吸困難,
因爲我有二尖瓣脫垂,所以也沒想太多,直接拿出藥物吃,
但吃了藥,一直到睡前,我的呼吸困難並沒有比較好轉,心跳一直80-90下之間來回(正
常人是60-100下,我只要超過75就會不舒服,會喘),
先生一度要送我去急診,
但被我拒絕了,
因為我家這邊的醫院水準讓我不是很放心...(知道我的意思吧...)
我習慣睡前手機開震動,沒到起床時間被吵醒,我會爆炸。
但那天睡前,
據我老公的視角敘述:我盯著手機很久,突然轉頭跟他說我要把鈴聲開大聲一點!
然後我就睡著了。
但是,我只有對那句「我要把鈴聲開大聲一點!」有印象,其餘都沒有印象。
到了凌晨2點半,
我的手機響了,
不知為何,當時心裡第一個想法是「糟了!出事了!」
看到來電的是我叔叔,他開口第一句話就是:「妳冷靜點聽我說...」
我直接回他「阿公過世了,對不對!」
電話那端的叔叔嚇到,連忙問我怎麼知道?
他說,從前一晚10點多開始(跟我開始覺得呼吸困難的時間點一樣),爺爺開始呼吸困難
,安養中心的護理師每30分鐘都去看他,
視狀況,依照醫囑用藥。
0200看了一次,0230再去看就沒有呼吸心跳了。
送院後,
第一順位聯絡人的姑姑聯絡不到,
才聯絡當天剛回到台北的叔叔。
當下我立馬搭計程車南下,
在計程車上我還沒有什麼感覺,
一直到醫院,看到爺爺的遺體才崩潰大哭。
那個時候我很自責,
自責為何要讓爺爺去安養中心,
他過世時一定很孤單很寂寞...
我撲在他的遺體上一直說對不起...
我困在這種自責裡大約半年的時間才走出...
後來喪事處理過程也很妙,
只要遇到有要擲筊的事,
一定都是我擲才有聖筊,
師父、奶奶、叔叔擲都是陰筊,
處理喪事的師父知道我是嫁出女,
再重複了10幾遍的陰筊下,才叫我擲,
一擲就是聖筊,沒有第二句話!
爺爺離開對我的打擊很大,
喪事辦完前,都沒有夢到爺爺,
直到全部告一段落,
我才夢到爺爺四次。
第一次是爺爺帶我去看他收到我們燒給他的房子,
跟我展示,他把房子改裝的狀況,
嗯,果然很有他的風格...
第二次是來到同樣一棟房子,
但不是參觀室內裝潢,
而是看到他在外面跟一男一女在坐著聊天,
那一男一女,
我直覺就認出是20年前過逝的曾祖母和3年多前過世的二叔公。
第三次是去年12月寒流來的時候,
在夢境裡,我直覺知道他剛洗完熱水澡,
他還跟我說洗完熱水澡很舒服~
天氣變冷了,要記得穿暖和一點,
當時看到他穿長袖在那扇子搧風,
我還唸他「你才剛洗完澡就搧扇子,才要小心著涼!」
第四次是今年清明節當天
我還在想著今年會忙到沒時間出國的時候...
當晚,我就夢到自己突然在機艙內,
看那個佈置應該是商務艙。
轉頭就看到爺爺在我身旁,
他笑笑地說「我帶你出國玩吧!」
爺爺在世前,明明節儉到捨不得出國的!
現在想來還是覺得鼻子酸酸的...
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我奶奶在爺爺過世後,
開始有些明顯退化狀況了,
明天要去做檢查了QQ
跟大家說聲抱歉,
其實也沒有什麼術語,
因為陪著老人常跑醫院,
用這些詞彙跟醫護人員溝通比較快。
我都改掉了.
家裡面其實也只有我夢到爺爺過,
朋友有說,
夢到其實不是好事,
會影響投胎等事(當然依宗教信仰有所不同),
想著想著,就突然放下了!
更讓我在意的,
還是在爺爺臨終時,沒有至親在他身旁,
我和叔叔都很自責難過...
我一直都想跟爺爺道歉,
但每次在夢裏看到他就開心的忘掉了...
※ 編輯: sophina923 (111.83.145.153), 04/16/2019 19:30:39
※ 編輯: sophina923 (111.83.145.153), 04/16/2019 19:35:28
我記得是一般的社區,
一棟接一棟的,最多兩層樓,外表只看到這。
裡面就跟我們一般的裝潢一樣,
只是爺爺那棟房子被他改造的很有他的style....
看到曾祖母和二叔公時,
還有一股直覺告訴我,
我爺爺邀他們來一起住的樣子。
後來做對年時有再燒一次!
燒到葬儀社的人叫我們可別以不用再燒了...
我也有告訴爺爺:要錢就來跟我說,不要嚇到奶奶,
看來是過得不錯啦!
其實現在想來還是會自責,
就當下的環境而言,
真的把爺爺送到安養中心是最好的解決辦法,
誰知到還住不到一個月就走了...
看到大家誇獎我孝順,真真是謬讚了,
我只是秉持著他和奶奶帶我長大,
從小養在他們跟前,自然親近,
而在我母親不公平地對待我時,
是爺爺和奶奶給我了好好活下去的動力!
所以善待他倆終老是我應該做的。
※ 編輯: sophina923 (36.233.150.179), 04/17/2019 01:02:05
※ 編輯: sophina923 (36.233.150.179), 04/17/2019 01:08:42
跌倒是老人家的大忌!!
我是覺得沒有解剖就不需要用「大體」,因為我會想到大體老師...祂們更偉大。
常典型的表現。
但依舊要取決於「黑質」出現在大腦內的哪一區塊,這就要作MRI(核磁共振)才看的出
來。
幫你QQ
電話中他們轉述沒有外傷口,
所以我請鄰居們等我回去,
加上我爺爺生前是比較孤僻性格,
只願意家人接近他...
電話中他們轉述沒有外傷口、沒有血,
爺爺那時也一直唸我的名字,
所以我請鄰居們等我回去,
加上我爺爺生前是比較孤僻性格,
只願意家人接近他...
所以我才請大家等我回去看狀況處理。
我家這邊的責任醫院有兩家,
爺爺都是在A家看的,
加上EMT來會詢問病史、用藥等問題(要回報給目的醫院的急診室),
這些還是只有我最了解、能做決定。
※ 編輯: sophina923 (36.233.150.179), 04/18/2019 00:25:32
謝謝你的提醒,
今天一口氣做了MRI和認知能力測試,
做MRI(核磁共振)主要要看海馬迴目前的飽滿程度和腦部有沒有出現黑質;
單純就認知能力來說,的確有明顯下降趨勢。
等下週看報告了!
再次謝謝你的提醒。
※ 編輯: sophina923 (36.233.150.179), 04/18/2019 00:38:33
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