關於 奪 門 而出 笑話 ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

#睡前故事：【自由】

和她再見面，在鬧市一間安靜的茶室。想也知道，沒有茶客，餐點實在貴得離譜。

我點了一杯冷的烏龍茶，她要了一杯龍井，兩個人聊起天，話音伴著窗外細雨，滲進牆壁的裂縫。

她說起最近沒事做，偶爾去幫高中生補習，有時炒散，也有時從男人身上賺點外快。

我說我也無事可做，周末會躺在床上幻想自己四處流浪，又或者亁脆住進青山，聽說那裡伙食還不錯。

話說到這裡，我們神經兮兮地笑起來，服務生看了我們一眼，又翹起腿看手機。

笑話總是有殘酷的成份，而我們的人生又好像是一個畸型的笑話。

我和她是中學同學，本來並不熟稔，有次被她發現我在課本的邊緣不停地寫說「好想死」，她看了也不指責甚麼，只是嘲笑說我的字好醜。

我覺得她很沒禮貌，又想起之前無意中看到她手腕上的疤，話到了嘴邊又吞回去，算了。

只不過下次看見她的作業本時，我用最猙獰的口吻插了一句：字好醜，她怔了一下，突然大笑起來，說：你更醜。

我當時想，她也實在變態得可以。

我和她偶爾會通電話，她喜歡半夜三點打來抱怨她的新男友，A 君怎麼麻甩，C 君又把她一個人丟在街上，K 君對她始亂終棄。

我睡眼惺忪地聽她說，一邊打著呵欠，一邊敷衍地回應，等她終於困了，又或者是藥效過後，另一邊就會突然安靜下來，我會等幾分鐘，直到聽到她悠長的呼吸，才掛斷電話倒頭大睡。

我也不知道她從何時開始接「那種」生意，她不買名牌，也對奢侈品沒甚麼興趣，有時我覺得她只是想找點事做打發時間。

當然，也有驚險的時候。

有次她拒絕了一個難纏的客人，客人順手抄起一個酒瓶便往她頭上敲去。

醒來時，她勉強坐起身打了個電話，無人接聽，打到第五通，我接起來了，她說她在 XX 賓館，哭著哭著又笑起來。

這是我第一次聽到她哭，像細軟的沙粒滑下指縫，世界以某種形式下陷，我們滑入了深淵。

我勸她，你沒身材，想必在這行待遇也不好，不如收手，找份工作好好過下去吧。

她說我神經病，甚麼工作能讓她一星期只做三天，而且我眼光有問題，明明每個客人都稱讚她身材好。

在一些無聊的午後，我們也讀詩。

我們讀到露琵‧考爾：

她身上的衣物
有多多
或多少
都無關乎她的自由

她說起她自己，她不知道穿起衣服的自己是怎樣的，她會在外出見客前，看著鏡中的自己，想把鏡子砸碎，想看自己如何粉身碎骨。

她想起許多年前那個午後，父親的手滑進她衣襟，這是父親第一次擁抱自己的女兒。

她總是這樣，說起自己的事時平淡而冷漠，還沒說完，又勾起了嘴角。

她父親快要出院啦，下星期打算把他接回家去。

我在這之前見過她的裸體，但從沒有一刻覺得彼此如此親近，又如此地讓我想要奪門而出。

低頭攪拌著杯中的熱咖啡，我內心突然生出一種預感，這恐怕是我倆最後一次見面。

回去後，我把她的號碼刪了，和著水吞下了該吃的藥丸，那天以後，沒有哪天漏掉吃藥，沒有哪天不像個正常人。

「我們已經十年沒見了吧？」我問。

「嗯，是啊。」她眨眨眼睛。「你有沒有想過之後要怎樣？」

我想了一下，半刻之後，酙酌了一下詞句：「嗯⋯⋯就，我已經不想死了。」

這下輪到她愣住了，寇紅嘴唇抽搐了一下，沒法彎出一個足夠好看的弧度。

「那，那很好啊。」掙扎許久，她吐出一句話。「恭喜你病好了。」

「嗯，原來很多事情，只要吃藥就解決了。」

說著，我低下頭，看著茶杯邊緣的浮沬一個個破掉、消失。

「哈哈，不過如果真能進去青山嚐嚐那裡的飯菜也是不錯啦！」

我抬頭時換了個表情，眼中閃爍著恰到好處的神采，想著她也許會後悔剛坐下時對我說的話。

雨慢慢停了，我們寒暄了一下，離開茶室時，她摸了一下我的頭：「好啦，以後要好好做人，別讓人操心了。」

「到底是誰操心誰呀！」

我們相視而笑，視線有一剎那的交匯，又很快錯開。

走進人群時，我不小心摔了一跤，膝蓋破皮了，人們的視線在我身上停留、又移開，一種前所未有的孤獨湧上心頭。

是否從此以後，孤獨也會代替我，與你形影不離？

Storyteller：悠晴
Illustrator： @jungyip

#沒有你的故事也是你的故事 #悠晴 #jungyip #EveryoneisStoryteller

StoryTeller 是一個說故事平台。我們連結不同創作者，希望透過文字、圖畫和聲音，重新把故事帶回生命。StoryTeller 同時亦是獨立創作單位，我們收集人與人之間的片段，將不同人的故事帶到你面前。我們相信故事的療癒力量，感受別人，也是感受自己，因為沒有你的故事也是你的故事。歡迎任何合作／品牌推廣，請電郵至 info@story-teller.com.hk。

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【天青色等煙雨，而我在等你】(English writing below)

我看著客人眼淚
滴滴答答的打在桌面上
筆記本
濕了
本子上的字
糊了

她的心酸
猶如洪泉遇到崩裂的堤壩
一波一浪的破牆而出

一個被愛情辜負的女子
看了真是心疼

我不由自覺的
想到了自己

你懂我的
像我這樣剛烈的女子
爲了愛情
我絕不退縮
祇是一個勇字
又豈能成事呢

童年
過得心驚膽顫
家裡常吵得
雞犬不寧

爸爸沒想要
把我生下
媽媽常說
要把我趕出去

我很努力讀書
我很努力做個乖孩子
我覺得我做得很好
人小小本事很大
但這些終究無法
讓我在美滿的家庭長大

多少個夜晚裡
我被媽媽打得
想奪門而出
永不再見
可是想到誰來照顧她
我又忍下來

我很恨
為何我命運不如人

第一次談戀愛時
我是多麼多麼的雀躍
內心裡的煙花
不斷地爆開
我終於等到了
不再是
沒人要的孩子了

我終於
值得有人愛了

初戀的絢麗
卻也如七彩美麗的煙花
一聲巨響後
就消失在漆黑的夜裡

他常常在我面前
提到他如何深愛著
他中學時的校花
她是如此的美好

有一次
這校花來我們的學校
他得知後
破課室的門而出
沒見到她
他哭了一整個星期

心中的不安
讓我常常與他吵架
三年零八個月裡
我不是一個好女友
服滿兵役後
他喜歡上大學迎新會
的一位混血兒

後來
我和一位校友打了幾次桌球
某夜
他在ICQ向我索吻
對他的印象
就一落千丈了
（你以為老娘在賤賣嗎？）
不久一位朋友告訴我
他約會的對象
不只我一個

我有一位
很好很好的朋友
我在新加坡時
他常陪我
深夜打桌球到清晨
聊佛法聊人生
一起上佛學班
一起學國標舞
從未有一個人
如此瞭解我的心
如此照顧著我

但無所不談的當兒
他也不斷告訴
這麼多年來
他如何愛念著
一個女孩
對她始終無法忘懷

我又輸給
活在記憶中的人了

我這一份單戀
長達兩年
很磨人很磨人很磨人
差一點走不出來

第二次談戀愛
他常在我面前提起
一個他追了半年追不到的女孩
他說
有一天一定要去問她
為什麼不選擇他

在家裡的毒打
並沒有隨著我成人
而停止

後來拜師學藝
卻因爲品德不良
被師父一句
「你不是我要找的人。」
斷然吃了閉門羹

那天我哭得痛徹心扉
覺得自己
好像是
個沒人要的孩子

方文山因爲
八百年前
宋徽宗皇帝御批的這句
「雨過天青雲破處」
而在周傑倫《青花瓷》裡
寫了『天青色等煙雨，而我在等你』

他說
愛情里最無力的無奈
就是「等待」
天青色得等待
不知何時會降的雨
雨停
積雲散去
朗朗晴空中
天青色才能顯現
如同我
只能被动而安静的
等待着
不知何时才会出现的妳。

慢慢的
我開始認為
我這輩子等不到了
月老應該沒幫我
綁上紅線

學佛多年後
忽然恍然大悟
一個道理
没有东西是必须拥有的
沒有它
也不代表自己的不足

愛情
是一個填不滿的慾望
所以愛情劇長紅

在2015年2月21日年初三，根本上師蓮生活佛在台灣中天綜合電視台的訪談中說：https://youtu.be/EPDxwSt6a5I （時間12:08）

「師尊本身的愛是這樣的。我既然愛她，就是要她幸福，不是要佔有她，這種愛不是佔有，其實愛不是佔有。如果愛是佔有的話，那就是屬於慾望。如果愛不是佔有，我是祝福她，雖然我愛她，她不愛我，她愛別人，我就祝福她。如果愛別人會比較幸福，我就祝福她。這種愛就不是佔有的愛。如果是佔有的愛，一定會產生痛苦。」

原來我真正在等的
是自己
自己的智慧開了
心變闊達時
才不會讓他人決定
自己幾時可以幸福
可以幸福多久
命運在我手中
怎麼走本來就是我說了算

我輕輕的拿起桌上的紙巾，遞給女客人。她一把鼻涕，一把眼淚的向我道謝。

借了師父慣用的笑話，我柔聲細語的說：「別哭，新加坡缺水，要哭要到蓄水池哭，這樣我們可以少看馬來西亞的臉色做人。」

她破涕而笑。

我再說：「我看了妳的八字，現在又看到妳真人，勸你跟我講話老實一點，要不然我幫不到妳。妳明明一直做人家的小三，還敢跟我哭沒有男人要和妳結婚？妳不也偷偷拿了他不少錢嗎？我看妳明明就是一張愛錢的臉。」

奉勸各位大俠，在我面前，若要用眼淚爲武器，請三思，因爲虛偽的，我必定拆你面具。

..........................

I looked at the teardrops of my client, pitter patter onto the table top. My client's notebook got wet. The words got muddled.

All the pains in her heart were like the angry river crushing through a broken dam, tearing down the walls as the tears flowed.

To see a lady being let down by love was indeed heart-breaking.

I couldn't help but thought of myself.

You know me. An unyielding character like mine will not shrink like a coward in the name of love. Alas, there are things in life that can't be accomplished solely with courage.

My childhood was filled with a lot of fear. There were often quarrels at home.

My dad didn't want me to be born. My mum often said she wanted to chase me out of the house.

I studied very hard. I did my utmost to be an obedient kid, and I thought I did very well as young child but I was already very capable. However, all these were not enough for me to grow up in a complete family.

So many nights, I got beaten up so badly by my mum that I wanted to just break out of the door and never to see her again. But the mere thought of nobody looking after her pulled me back.

I hated so much. Why wasn't my destiny comparable to other people?

When I first fell in love, I was so elated. The fireworks in my heart exploded non-stop. I finally found someone. I was no longer that child which nobody wanted. I was finally worthy of someone's love.

The splendour of first love, however, was as temporal as the rainbow-coloured fireworks. After a loud explosion, it vanished into the darkness of night.

He would often tell me in my face, how much he pined for and loved his secondary school crush, apparently the prettiest and most perfect girl in school.

Once, this campus belle came to our school. When he got wind of the news, he dashed out of the classroom. Failing to see her, he cried for one whole week.

My insecurity caused me to quarrel with him often. In those 3 years and 8 months, I wasn't a great girlfriend. After his NS, he got together with a girl of mixed blood at his university's Orientation camp.

I played pool with a uni mate a few times. One night over ICQ, he teased me for a kiss. My impression of him dropped like hot cakes. Did I look like I was lelong-ing myself? Later, a girl pal told me that he was dating several girls at the same time.

I had a very good friend. Whenever I was in Singapore, he would accompany me to play pool till wee hours. We talked about Dharma, life, and we attended Buddhism and ballroom dancing classes together. I had never met a person who understood me and took care of me so well.

But among our endless conversations of everything and anything, he always told me how he still loved a girl from his school. He couldn't forget her.

Again, I lost to someone who lived in the memory of the guy I liked.

This one-sided love of mine burned for two years. It was very, very, very excruciating. I almost didn't make it out alive.

In my second relationship, the boyfriend would always tell me about a pretty girl whom he pursued for half a year, but failed to win her heart. He told me firmly that if he had the chance, he wanted to ask her why she did not choose him.

The abusive beating at home did not stop even after I grew up.

Later on, when I wanted to become Shifu's disciple, he turned me down flat because he didn't think I had good morals and values. He was blunt, "You are not the person I am looking for."

That night, I cried painfully hard. Suddenly, I felt like I was the kid from my childhood whom nobody wanted.

800 years ago, Emperor Huizong of Song Dynasty wrote in an imperial decree "雨過天青雲破處". It was this that inspired Vincent Fang (方文山) to write the lyrics 『天青色等煙雨，而我在等你』in Jay Chou's song 青花瓷 (Blue and white porcelain).

Vincent Fang said, the most powerless kind of helplessness in love was waiting.

The sky green colour had to wait for the rain, which it had no idea when it would arrive. After the rain stopped, the thick clouds dissipated, in the clear skies, the sky green colour would then be able to appear. This was just like how he could only passively and quietly wait, for his lady whom he had no idea when she would appear.

Gradually, I started thinking that in this lifetime, I would not be able to wait for that person to appear. Perhaps Yue Lao (the elderly celestial under the moon) did not tie the red string on me.

After many years of learning the Dharma, one day, I suddenly came to the realisation that nothing is a must to own.

Secular love is a black hole of desires. That is why romantic shows are evergreen.

On 21 February 2015, the 3rd day of the Lunar New Year, my Root Guru Living Buddha Lian-Sheng spoke in an interview with the Taiwan CTI Television Inc.: https://youtu.be/EPDxwSt6a5I （timestamp 12:08）

"My personal take on love is this. Since I love her, I will want her to be blissful, and not to possess her. Such love isn't possession. Actually love isn't possession. If love is possession, that belongs to desire. If love isn't desire, I will wish her well. Although I love her, she doesn't love me, but loves another person, so I will give her my best wishes. If loving another person brings her more happiness, I will wish her well. Such love isn't possessive love. If it is possessive love, there will surely be pain."

Then I realised, the one that I had been waiting all along for is myself. Waiting for my wisdom to develop, waiting for my heart to be more open, so that I would not place my happiness in the hands of another person, and let the person decide for me when I should be happy, for how long I can stay happy...

My destiny is in my hands. How it pans out is up to me to say.

I gently picked up a serviette from the table and passed it to my lady client. In a mush of mucus and tears, she thanked me.

Borrowing an old joke from Shifu, I gently told her, "Don't cry. Singapore lacks water. If you want to cry, you should cry at a nearby reservoir. This way, we don't have to see the colours of Malaysia in order to get more water."

She broke into a smile among her tears.

I continued, "After looking at your Bazi, and now that I have seen you in person, I advise you to be more honest with me, or else I will not be able to help you. You have all along been a mistress to other men, and you dare to come crying to me that no man wanted to marry you? Didn't you also stole some money from them? The way I see you, you obviously have a money grubber face."

My advice to all swordsmen: If you wish to use your tears as a weapon in front of me, think thrice. Because if you are a hypocrite, I will definitely rip your mask apart.

小孩回學校
大人繼續WFH
真是太可怕了😱

以前只有, 可能補課日不用補班 或是五一勞動節
沒小孩的兩人世界

現在...
送完上學....都是兩人世界
加上 外面的店也都沒開
連自己想要奪門而出 ,出去透透氣的機會都沒有啊！
難怪 聽到好幾次的笑話...lockdown考驗的還有夫妻關係

ㄧ早就是翻白眼的場景
Q爸：我剛剛點了薯條..突然很想吃xxx的薯條 好好吃, Q在學校 我吃可以吧！ 等他放學我早就吃完了
（ㄧ早吃薯條 也只有他有胃口吧）

停好車
Q爸：我要先打個電話 妳下車幫我拿
（ㄡ...這時候 連等餐點 我都不安....因為很多人都會在咖啡廳前 拿下口罩喝咖啡）

早餐：
蒸餃 /蒸玉米 /蘋果派茶

午餐袋：
已經點了三天的牛肉cheese松露芥末熱壓三明治

我也不懂笑點在哪裡.... -- Watch live at https://www.twitch.tv/wayne379